A whole month in Warrensburg, I really cant say I've seen a lot, but I really wont say that haven't seen anything worth mentioning. I'm pretty sure I'm making friends here that will last me the rest of my life, not only my fellow professors, or people I meet here, but also students.
Classes are still going well, at least I think. My 11 o'clock class is a lot more interesting than my 9 o'clock one, and it shows on the grades they got on their first quiz. It's not that I don't like my 9 o'clock, it's just so difficult to try to reach people that don't want to be reached, that are not making the smallest effort to learn. They still did well though, cant complain.
Spanish Club is another thing I was, sort of, obligated to join, It's really nothing else than people getting together, native and non-native Spanish speakers to, speak Spanish; "No English or other foreign language allowed." That should be the motto. It's actually very interesting.
I cant really say much more, I've been absorbed by work (and as of now, hunger), but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would. It's actually very entertaining, and everyday, I go home satisfied or, at least, in a good mood, knowing that in one of classes someone learned something, whether something important or not as much, but SOMETHING.
I promised I would post here more often, and I will, soon.
Cheers y'all
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
To calm this animal desire with something so human Where is what I want when I least need it? Where can I find everything that I hurt myself with?
You'll never know what it is to have lived if you haven't died, you'll never know the complete extension of love until you've hated.
To wear the chains of a past much better put away than forgotten, carrying the weight only to walk a little slower, when you need to feel a little lower.
You'll never know how it feels to fly, until you crash and burn, you'll never know how it is to need someone until you're forgotten and alone.
To cry until you're completely dry, to run until you collapse,
to soother until it hurts, to fail until you've tried.
Calm my demons down, however small they may be,
they're demons none of the less.
Fears that have grown, insecurities that have remained,
all those darkened memories that remain.
A soul this small can grow bigger than you know, If I can be killed
and survive, there's nothing in the world that I can't go through.
They take their sweet time, they chew on my bones
and leave my soul for dessert, they always leave enough of me
for tomorrow.
Life in Warrensburg, ahh, what a joy, two more weeks of what this all was about, my classes have started to develope some sort of shape, an I've been finding out some things I haven't realized until now, that make this trip a little less appealing, but that is not going stop me from enjoying my stay here. I'll tell about this later on.
Starting almost everyday at 7 o'clock in the morning so I could make myself a good breakfast and be ready for my 9 o'clock class of Elementary Spanish. That morning class, I have to say, is gut wrenching for me, I go into class saying "Buenos Días", and all I get are mixed mumbles in half Spanish, english and some sort of half asleep, half woken dialect I am yet to understand. This mood continues all the way until the end of class, I'm trying to motivate them, trying to make them participate, utilizing various things, methods, to make the class a little bit more energetic, active.
I finish my morning class a bit depressed, thinking I'm just doing a terrible job, this mood remains with me until I, around, half way my 11 o'clock class, where my student in that class are completely different, they are energetic, they are participating in class, they are IN CLASS. I'm out of class, and I'm feeling a whole lot better.
It's what happens to me every time I go to teach, I go there absolutely terrified, but leave completely satisfied with myself. This much mood change can be hazardous for me.
Life out of the classroom remains quite the same, quiet enough for me not to be disturbed, I have this small space that I can use for anything I want, and enough time to actually take advantage of the tiny apartment. The truth is, it´s more space than I need, but dont tell anyone.
Other things in my social life are normal, eventual night outs, almost just on the fridays, saturdays are days that are a little mixed, a little "Me-Time" a little time out on the bars. Talking about bars, two more bars I can review, "Old Barney's" which is more like "OPEN" in Juárez, dingy, dirty and fun, hehehehe. I liked that bar. "East PIne Street Pub", just more traditional, laid back, a good opener before going anywhere else.
Now, going back to that news about the situation here. It seems as though they're not treating us as they should, looking into things, Caroline and I discovered that, in fact we shouldn't be teaching our own class, much less two. We should only be doing activities like Conversation and Discussion Groups, help students and be nothing more than Assistant Professors, also, we are not getting paid close as much as we should for the work we do. At first I always thought that it evened out with the university providing the apartment in the Foster Knox dorm, and me not being charged for the classes I'm taking, but, as I see it, there are a lot of apartments in Foster Knox that are empty, that means there isn't any waiting list, that also means the university isn't actually losing anything in us occupying this space.
All this doesn't mean that I'm not going to do a better job, I'm not like that, I just hope the university realizes this soon, we dont deserve it.
Going back to the space I have for myself here, I realize more everyday how it's sometimes too much space for me, I stand alone in my room just trying to picture Isela walking around the room smiling at me, asking to me join her at whatever activity she is in, whether it's trying to clean my apartment up a little, or taking a long bath, how I miss her.
This place is too big for me, I need her to occupy it with me, but she's far away right now, she wont be around for the next 3 months, I miss you Precious.
Drive me mad, show me the world and place it just beyond
the reach of my hand. Show me how close I am to proving
your wrong.
Bring the rain, let it fall on my hands and cool off my feelings,
I need the space, I need a place to start from the beginning.
To seek this chance, to exchange this place, dark and lonely,
for something grander, troublesome and lonely responsibility.
