Two nightmares in a row, in the first you were bare for everyone except me, in the later you carrying someone elses future, you were in both of them and I was watching you slip away in different ways. In both you were farther than me than you are now.

   Why would I dream that? Why would those images haunt me so? The rest of my hours awake I killed myself with images of the violence I believed I deserved, of the submission I thought I was entitled to, yet I could only just watch and see my nightmares fade away...

   ...and remain in writing.
Posted by Hello

Posted at at 1:25 AM on December 29, 2004 by Posted by Jose | 1 comments | Filed under:

   So Christmas has come and gone but I'm not about to bore you with another one of those "yule tide Christmas posts" everybody is doing right about now, whoever reads my blog and knows me knows I wish them the best, those you don't, hey what the hell, Merry Christmas.

   A trip to Chicago and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (CSO) playing for us, that was the main atraction for this december, that was what I was looking forward to the most in this frigid and to some, lonely month. Isela came to visit me in Warrensburg but we were far from staying in that awfully boring town, Chicago was our final destination and final destination it was, there we passed three of the best days we've had in this one year and seven months we've been together, well, sort of together.

   Although the CSO wasn't all that we expected, at least the Branford Marsalis piece, it was a disappointment the same way your disappointed when you get to your hotel room and realize it looks absolutely nothing like what you saw in the brochure, you scoff and criticize but you just don't really care.

   School is also over and people constantly ask me what do I have to say about my first semester teaching and what I say is "Thank God it's over!" It's not that I didn't have any fun or it wasn't fulfilling, I just wanted it over, a good winter break is what I needed at this moment. But with the semester over and all my student's grades turned in I'm starting to receive all those nasty emails from them complaining about their grade, how that not satisfied with what they got and if there was anything they could do to raise their score a little, well, all I can say to that is too little too late, I gave them a chance to turn in extra credit and most of the people that are complaining now are exactly those people that did not turn it in, besides, theres not much I can do when a student has 12 absences and the rest are most tardies. He still passed though.

   So now I'm home and the change of weather has been felt, from the minus something degrees in Missouri to the balmy 30 somethings (this is in Celsius by the way, not Farhenheit) in Guadalajara, Mexico. I'm kinda starting to feel that little itch in my throat of a cold coming on, who knows, It will be strange how I never got sick back at work and now that I'm home with absolutely nothing to do BOOM, a cold. Well, who really cares about that? I'm just rambling.

   Back to Chicago, it snowed on our stay there, and we were this close to not being able to come back, which wouldn't have been a problem since we were having so much fun, if only those two feet of snow had fallen in Chicago and not northern Indiana. *sigh. This snowfall was very important for her, it had been so long since she had seen snow fall so incredibly strong as it did that night, as old as we feel sometimes it's thing like these that bring out some incredible behavior in some of us, you should have seen us try to catch snow with our mouths all dressed for the symphony, and I have to give merits to her, she was wearing high heels and was catching more than I was.



Posted by Hello


   Well, this next week will feel like that night before the last day of school, at least until new years when everything is supposed to change, everything is supposed to get a second chance, what if I don't need one? What If I feel perfectly fine the way I am right now? What I don't want to bother with a second chance right now? We'll see what happens after I start missing her as much as I was a couple weeks ago.

   But now that it's Christmas some of us have to go to the obligatory church mass, even if we haven't gone all year we have to go today, which ends up only being a pageant for everybody to show off all the new shit they got for Christmas, it's been so long since I've noticed that church going has turned from being something religious to something more in the like of some strange animal's mating rituals, but don't get me wrong, as much fun as it would be to see people have sex in the church sidewalk it never escalates to more than courting the male or female of the species, each one of them wearing their new pair of shoes, pants or jacket, some people will even be showing off cell phones and brand new cars; did I mention I'll be walking to church and that I cant find my cellphone? Well, anyway, it's about that time, I have to go get dressed to go to church, I have to iron my new shirt.

   Cheers and Merry Christmas.


   (Man did I ramble on today.)

Posted at at 2:20 PM on December 25, 2004 by Posted by Jose | 0 comments | Filed under:


"I remember running through the wet grass, falling a step behind."

   The sunset last night was somewhat like this one, but I didn't have my camera at the time, I didn't have that recording eye, I saw it, but I can paint a picture on the screen from my mind. There some kind of images you see that make you realize how far are all the gratest painters in the world from actually capturing reality, colors they can never reproduce, "Sunset Pink" or "Sunset Orange", there are some colors, some visuals that will never be able to reproduce.

   Take it in paniters, artists, you'll never be able to reproduce such beautiful scenes.


Posted by Hello

Posted at at 2:40 PM on December 09, 2004 by Posted by Jose | 0 comments | Filed under:

We don't need no education

   A double negative? It looks as if Pink Floyd really did need a little bit of education.

   The person who is a professor is always misunderstood, 22 years of my life I lived on the opposite side of the desk, but now that I've gotten to know the other side I say to myself, "how badly we treated some professors." It's my first full semester as a professor of Spanish as a Second Language and my views are varied, for lack of a better word. I had two classes three days a week; mondays, wednesdays and fridays, at 9 and 11 o'clock in the morning; it's impressive how only two hours can make such a difference in the attitude of the students.

   It might become a full fledged anthropological case, it can also be a case of little sleep and too much drinking because it looked as though half of my 9 o'clock class were always hungover or still half drunk, meanwhile, the 11 o'clock class only arrived half hungover but more coherent. I don't know, maybe it's this "American way of life" that I cant get used to or, simply, doesn't interest me.

   The difference is seen clearly in the grades, but it is something I cannot dispense since it's private information, or until the student or guardians permits it, which I wont take the time to ask. Now it's only a matter of time to see how they do next week on the final.

   We will see.

Posted at at 12:59 PM on by Posted by Jose | 0 comments | Filed under:




"It feels like somebody's watching me"

   I'm being watched by someone that I cannot clearly indentify, I am distracted, my sight is on the opposite direction while this being rests it's sight on me. ¿Where am I? ¿From where am I being watched? I dont care who is watching me, I only need to realize if I am or not confused.

   Find me a place where we can hide away and nobody can see us anymore.
Posted by Hello

Posted at at 12:42 PM on by Posted by Jose | 0 comments | Filed under:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)