How things are brought upon me I don't know. SOmetimes I don't care to know... sometimes It's the only thing I think about. It is complicated to ponder something else besides what breaks you or put you back together.

   She is a strange creature no doubt. I still do not understand her, not even scratching the surface when it refers to her. Sometimes that works to my advantage but most of the times it backfires in my face.

   I've lost view of what I came here for, the opportunity is gone and possibilities are more narrow now than they were before I moved back to this city that I never quite leave.

   I don't feel as close anymore, I don't feel that I'm from this place... I feel completely out of place. The depression that hits and that nobody sees has been one of the worst I've had. Maybe having it kept in secret is better that letting it come out into the light.

   I'll give you the world so it can crush you; I'll give you the sea so you can down and I'll give you the air so it can choke you.
   I've been given everything to hurt you but It's always been you who's killed me. It's so simple to do, a word or a look of disdain.

Kill me so I have a reason to do the same. The rage I feel is as present as ever and the need to inflict it as well. You are close to me now... keep far, far away.

   You give me a kiss of our passion, you give me the body of this temptation. You've given yourself to prove you can break someone who's already broken.
   Congratulations on destroying someone already destroyed.

   It's not exactly how I feel but what she's been making me feel.

   This is all far to strange for me.

It doesn't convince me to tell you the truth. Of all the things I thought that would scare her, this was not one of them. She argues the worst, says "It's creepy" and I cant help but feel exactly that.

I guess I should understand her, It's only been (almost) three years now, It's far too little time to get to know me...