"We're expecting snow any day now." His words trailed off along with the breath from his lips on this cold day.
"It's getting colder and colder and the sky is constantly gray, all the leaves have fallen from the trees and that brief beautiful span of time called 'Autumn' has come and die." The man couldn't finish a whole sentence without dragging on his cigarette or shifting his stance. His back had been bothering lately and I could tell from him not being able to stand still.
Shifting his weight on a different leg every few minutes, every shift comes with the process of inhaling more and more smoke into his lungs.
I don't remember how long he's been smoking now, I don't think he remember either but I have noticed a different tone in his voice and he's mentioned how he seems to be becoming less and less sensible to smells. He's changing physically just as much as he is emotionally.
"I can't even smell the crap I step on, man. Those damn dogs shit everywhere and I sometimes drag that stuff in the house. I never notice but someone makes sure to tell me about it."
Crap seems to be everywhere right now, that's the irony. It's hard to really become immune to all that's happening. "We're trying to become 'real people'." He said. "We're trying to find a house, a decent job, enough responsibilities to be able to get by."
"You know. Sacrifice life to become socially acceptable. God forsake one of us doesn't take a job just because it's a job."
He had told me before how he likes to add items to his "Irony List". For example moving up here after years and years of looking north and hearing these stories of golden streets and endless opportunity.
"It wouldn't be a 'me' thing if I had moved here and the country didn't go into a recession. Just my damn luck, I guess."
But even with all of this, he still sets a chunk of money aside just to feed his addiction. And is if he could read my mind he said "You know, It's getting harder to smoke now that's it's been getting colder and colder. Just another little insight on how 'controlled' my life is right now. I can't take a shit without other people knowing about it."
He finished his sentence and flicked his cigarette butt into the darkness. The red cinders slowly dying while we stood there in silence , in his mind he was thinking of lighting another one, in my mind all I could think of was how fucking cold it is outside.
"My thoughts exactly." He said, before startin to walk off.
I told him about all that had happened since we last saw each other, all the events, situations, celebrations and tribulations. He didn't seem to pay any attention or even pretend to care any more to my conversation than the cigarette that was currently between his index and middle finger.
From Home.
Hello. It's me again.
I know this might come as a surprise but I did tell you that I'd be in touch. Did you think i was lying? You should know by now that sooner or later i always keep my word, besides, I'm much too used to being reminded of you every once in a while.
Like I told you almost half a year ago, I'm far away now. It's strange how that sounds like I'm dead but I'm not. I'm physically far away, farther than I've ever walked before yet in a place so very familiar to me. It's getting even more familiar day by day.
We're up north, at far north as we're allowed to go. It's a very peculiar place, you know, because one half of the year it's chillingly cold, almost unbearable; and the other half, well, you can barely breath because of how hot and humid it is outside. You know how I react to the heat, it's never been my cup of tea, really. Remember how there were years where I only enjoyed being outside when it was cold? It's something like that here, I'm just not a summer person, I guess.
I'm literally surrounded by woods here, some of the trees we've had to chop down and while others are alive enough to still provide some shade. It's a nice place with things to see and places to go, it's very "country". Not much of an urban life up here.
I don't know what's the last thing you heard about me, I haven't been in touch with many people from back home. I've noticed it's something that I do periodically every several years and as much as it's wrong I've come to grips with it. You're probably the only person still left from my past, the one who keep my memories in conversation we have every once in a while, you're the person that knows all of my secrets, and maybe even more than that.
I trust you will take those secrets to your grave like I will. There's no reason why they should be allowed outside of our heads. They're not hurting anyone (not even ourselves) by staying where they are.
I hope you are doing well. I know I am.
I'll be seeing you around.
It was him again. Just so that there would be no doubt underneath his name he burnt a whole through the paper with his cigarette, it was supposed to be some sort of personal communication between him and I.
These are the last words I have from him. He's off again somewhere up north but he never tells me where. I'm pretty sure he'll one day drop in and surprise me with an unexpected visit. Other than that there was no way for my to really get in touch with him, there was no address on the envelope. I only know that he's up north.
Today is the day.
It has finally arrived.
Six hours from this precise moment I will be wed. We will have our ceremony, our reception, our unforgettable memories.
To all of you who are here, who took their time to be with me on these stressful days, I thank you.
Today we celebrate.
Today I make my fiancee my wife.
It's time to say goodbye.
As infrequent as I've been with this blog, I know that at least I have to say what I'm about to say.
I'm saying goodbye to this city and most of it's people. Not forever, but just indefinitely. I really do not know when I'll be back but I know it's not anytime soon.
As is expected I hardly had time to say goodbye to all the people I wanted to, there never is enough of anything here, but at least I know that some very few will miss me as they will be missed.
Goodbye, Juárez. Goodbye, México. At least for now. I've been granted not the opportunity to live in the United State, but to start living my dream. That same dream I've had ever since I could remember and it was about time.
So I'll see all you when i can, or when you can. I'll up north where the snow is constant and there's always a breeze running through the trees. Makes it sound like the ocean sometimes.
On January 17th, 2008 at 6:07 PM, I was handed my Fiancé Visa permitting to enter the US and marry my gorgeous girl.
I will be there soon, Princess.
