The celebration is over, people have gone and everyone has returned to where each one belongs (so they say). My week and a half in paradise is over, now it's time again to climb myself out of hell so I can find myself with such beautiful company once more.

   Days have gone by too slowly this past week, time has that habit, we all know it, that it plays with us. We're not what one would call guinea pigs because time doesn't experiment with us, it just amuses it self with our pitiful rants and complaints of how bad he treats us. We're a board game to time.

   Yet, what I've found out recently is what exactly gives Time that enormous value that it has, and, ironically, it's death, think about, and read what Ray Kurzweil has to say about it:

   "Take death for example; a great deal of our effort goes into avoiding it. We make extraordinary efforts to delay it and often consider its intrusion a tragic event. Yet we find it hard to live without it. Death gives meaning to our lives; it gives importance and value to time. Time would become meaningless if there were too much of it. If death were indefinitely put off the human psyche would end up... well, like the gambler in the Twilight Zone episode."

   I just happen to be in complete accordance with him, but lets think about it a bit, constantly people are making "life plans", "List of thing to do before I die", "life goals", etc. If death didn't exist, we would all be able to take our time and do things whenever the chance presented itself, everything aside that, would be simple commodity.

   Unfortunately, the fact that Death gives meaning to Time, means it give importance to other things, simple and yet complex life experiences. Would a sky diver feel the same rush??? Would a mountain climber climbing the Everest and reaching the top really make a difference in a world where Death doesn't exist??? The whole point of completing these hazardous events is that there is a possibility one might die, and that is why not everyone is capable of surviving a climb to highest peek in the world, or to even go through something that might endanger them.

   Danger would cease to exist, Fear, because most fears are based on the chance of dying, would cease to exist as well, though some of the other more complex "Fears" deal with specific things, but I'm talking about more primal, instinctive fears. Imagine a Claustrophobic standing in front of a starved lion ina closed space, would that person be afraid of the fact that he or she is inside a closed cell, or that simply you might die being devoured by the lion??? Again, death brings meaning to everything.

...You love because you don't know how long you're going to be here, you love intensely because you know you will die, we procreate because it's the most efficient way to, in a way, become immortal while becoming dust. Now, certain people seek other ways to reach this "Immortality", they're called writers, inventors, scientists, doctors, artists, muscians, among others, they will die, their work and art wont, or at least it will outlive them far longer.

   Eventually, a person would go mad, after seeing, experiencing, so much, memory would start to fade, all that rutine and monotony that will, at some point, engulf a person, the idea that he has seen everything there's to see, and will see, there would be nothing new, nothing worth living for, would drive this absolutle past the brink of insanity.

   So what would be the point of not dying if there wasn't anything worth living for???

Of all the people that have made a difference in my life, the one that has made the biggest impact is the one I'm about to see, in only just three more days, we'll cast away the distance and kill time with a single shot. Thanks for making me smile. 

   Remember what it took you to fly all the effort, sacrifice
and sweat only to watch you fall over me.
I lost my sight, heart and confidence for you,
now, you're losing me.

And I don't want to be found, I'm still not broken.
If countless other could not break me, why would you?

   That's why I still work a separate line, between reality
and perversion, a line you'd rather not walk down again.
   So ask me if I'm tired, if the world is round, or am I really
out of my mind. A silent answer for you and I'll live without
guilt another day, and I'll forget everything you ever said.

I'll just say goodbye, and hope life treats you right.

   Three years ago, and aunt of mine, (my father's borther's wife) was diagnosed with cancer, since then it's been and uphill battle, with downhill moments, just calmer straight flat moments. Yesterday we got a call saying she's in a terminal stage, nothing else to do but just wait for her to pass away, they're even taking her out of the hospital, because there is nothing else to be done. She's practically already gone.

   It's hard to see, but it's only moments like these where one realizes for how many people today just might be their last, tomorrow will never come because they passed in their sleep or another quick way. It's different with my aunt, she's been struggling for the past few years, not living a life because life just might end any second, not being able to have that little comfort of taking life for granted, like we all do, everyday.

   People say you should live your life as if it was your last day, I dont like that saying one bit, that's what people who are afraid of dying say. They're so eager to get things done before they die, that they leave so many other behind, I'm not one to be pressured, I'm not one to be pushed around everywhere, to jumping out of planes, or having gay sex, all because tomorrow I might die. I take comfort in taking life for granted.

   I cant say I blame anyone for what she's going thru, I dont reject or loathe death, I just dont think it's fair on HOW she's dying, she's suffering too much, completely unecessary, if God, or whoever, is going to take her either way, why the hell make her go thru all of this??? I guess I don't know how gods work nowadays, but, like I said I said before, I really cant blame anyone, except the one with the power to end it.

Thanks for making people suffer.

Oh wait, now I'm taking all the good things for granted, ahh, comfort.

So one can guess that, in the days to come, my writings will be centered around this whole topic about Death, and not coming to terms with it, simply because I don agree with it, not with Death, exactly, just the means. Makes me wonder who in the world gets a kick out of seeing us suffer until we die, isn't it just easier, for everyone, just to let go???

   I'm being waited for in a city very far away from here. In the desert she waits while I wait for my sky to rain down this concrete city, this place has the ugly habit of just shouting the coming of a rain shower, it usually passes us by with less than a trickle.
   But time passes by just as quickly (or slowly) in the desert as under the raining sky, we're both waiting for the exact same day, the exact same morning when all this distance will be reduced only to the space between each others lips in a kiss. We have a habit of kissing before we say a word, embracing in a tight hug before we can take a breath and fly to a mountaintop before we take a single step. We ride in strides, only because we don't have as much time as we'd like, we only have those fragments where distance and time are distracted tormenting someone elses poor soul.

   But we've had our times, our spaces, and we've managed to use them efficiently, properly, giving ourselves the perfect balance between surprises and comfortable rutine.

   No kiss is the same, no embrace is exactly the same, just like no snowflake is completely alike, every look she gives me opens up a whole new day, a whole new sensation where, with that look, she can communicate and entire lifetime.