There are people who still cannot see to get over what happened. Big deal, a relationship got fucked. Everyone makes mistakes.

But what are you doing now? I haven't heard from you in so long. You left me hanging a few months ago saying that you had to leave to do something important and I haven't heard from you since. I know where you are, I just don't
know HOW you are.

Your old apartment is still there, still reeking of cigarette smoke, trash and dirtier things that I'd rather not make too public. I'm keeping it just the way I found it that day when I went to look for you and you weren't there, I only found the open door and all your stuff gone. I mean, not even a note to say goodbye?

I stayed in the apartment for a couple of days trying to breath in your life, I thought maybe it could've given me a small glimpse of what you were going through. I didn't get anything, not from the smell, or the empty notebooks you left behind. Who were you planning to write those for?

I know it's dangerous where you are right now and I have no idea where you found the courage to go back. I know of the people that are still there and the kind of threats they've thrown at you. I know about all the whining and cursing you still hear in the background, all those supposed mistakes you made while you were there, I don't think they're worth trying to fix, I think it's better just to let them rot instead of hiding them in a closet showing the world how weak you can be sometimes. Either that or you might just be lazy.

Are you still standing strong? Are you still convinced this is the best thing to do? Things here are as you left them, I haven't moved a thing just in case someday you come back or appear out of nowhere like you usually do. Very few times did I get a heads up whenever you showed up.

I still can't get that stupid idea out of my head. You, smoking. What a trip it was to believe that. I guess some things are just more surprising than others. I guess people down there still see you with a cigarette in your hand and tell you "What the hell are you doing?" Trust me, i get that all the time.

So is everyone else still around? Are they still bitching at your heels trying to change your mind or make you feel guilty? Do you feel guilty? Something tells me you don't, you wouldn't be doing what your doing if you were. Knowing you you'd still be hitting your head against the wall realizing how you could've done things a little better. It's just the way you are.

Anyway, I hope at least where you are you're finding what your looking for. Know that at any time you have a home that's far away, a room where to sleep and a friend to talk shit with. I've been dying to know what kind shit has been happening down there. The kind of shit that makes you feel better about yourself, the type of shit that makes you say "Hey, at least I'm not as irresponsible, mediocre, pathetic and whiny as them."

"At least I left this god-awful city. Something some people could never do."