"Yes theres love if you wan't it...
... don't sound like a sonnet, my love"

"... I stop to say hello 'cus I think
you should know, by now..."

The Verve

So I write in this journal, just because I don't have the balls to even write her, damn, It's too strange, how can I feel such a connection with someone I barely met? She has lieved so much, seen even more, experienced the world, she's done things out of this world, and this way I'm left way behind, having so little to actually compare with what she's acomplished, does she really seek a sort of "tranquility" that I can give... I don't know, I'll probably will in a couple of days.

I'm scared, I actually am, anticipation for going home never grew this big in so long, I know she's something else, the problem is that I'm just something too common... I have still to know waht she sees in me.

The truth is that I havent been as direct to anyone as I have been with her, still, I don't exactly know what I've actually said, I wrote constantly, almost pathologically, what I write basically rapeats itself over and over again, but only I know that, other people only see a different rhyme. Though she says she like ambiguity... she's probably not getting the message, I don't know.

I'm just losing it again, and again, and again.

For someone who's that far away.

Keep quiet and just breath a new life
into me, thru a kiss or an embrace,
I'd love to have you face to face.

Turn to a lighter page, life doesn't follow
a steady pace, the rocks and boulders block
the roads to find that definite resting place.

not death or solitude, just complete peacefulnes
and room for just me and you, where I'd love to
play beneath you...

... and leave it all up to you...

"THE LIGHTS FALL"

A walking distance from home, you're just
stones throw as close.
And it converts me into a true believer,
now that I have so little to endure.

Life was good and life was grand while I
was at your side.
Life was good and now I hope you'll won't
slip thru my hands.

Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall,
just so we could dance by ourselves in the dark.
Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall
just so I could tell the truth and leave the lies behind.

Giving up on those ancient memories that dragged
me down close to a razor.
And the weight that you lift is what makes me move,
and theres nothing even death can do.

Swearing that I'll never give in to my
loneliness.
It's the feeling so soft that you give and
the words that you nring to me...

...it's the feeling I wish to see...

Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall,
just so we could dance by ourselves in the dark.
Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall
just so I could tell the truth and leave the lies behind.

Life was good and life was grand while you were
showing me your world.
Life was good and nothing can change my
world.

Things are strange, nothing to feel bad about, yet, just the same to feel good about, feeling so out of place here I can't even put my feelings into order, really wanting to do one thing and that is leave this city behind. Funny, people have complained to me, they say I've got what most want, hmm, those people just don't understand, why do people think that the one that goes away is the one that's haveing the time if his life?

The truth is, the one that leaves starts from zero, although that's something I WISH to do now, I really didn't back then, so I started a new life and ended up rejecting most of it, this place is not for, I am not built for a place like this, the people, the places, too crowded, too much of too much, I don't like it, you can t take a break without being shot thru a cannon of whatever crap is out on the street and you ended up more stressed out than when you left home.

I'm going home in a couple of weeks, to see friends, family and hopefully her, It's easy for me to say that I'm exceited about seeing her, the few people that know me here notice that, it's actually easy to see, I walk around so lightheartedly, not a care in the world, just the wait until then troubles me... It's just another two weeks, I've been waiting like this for four years, I'm used to it, nothing new for me.

Yet I'm not enjoying myself right now, if I could maybe open up a little bit more, try her once more, tell her this I feel maybe I wouldn't feel as preassured, I just really need to get outta here, I just really need to see someone like her right now.

"CHANGE ME"

We'll tell the story os two strangers who kissed
and left in they're obligated hurry, running into
people and cars having only that kiss in they're mind.

Missing that feeling of having just met, that angel that
came down.

So fill my soul and cleanse my mind, for the road
ahead to see you is long... remind me thre is time,
remind me that I can change.

I'll carry this human pain, a reason for me to sya,
someday I'll change...

...change me...

When things already are, somethings might resemble
something else, a possibility turned into somthing grander.

Convince me that I can fly and I can catch up with you
in mid flight, with brand new wings you give me something better
than just the sight...

... of your body on my bedside, of my dreams where I smile.

Try something better than believing, try expereancing...

I sleep for habit, for If I could I would give my moons
just so I could sleep with you.

Habit forming paranoia, tonight might be the night
I take flight, or I just might find a worse fate, far away from
my utopia.

I miss you, I want to see you, tomorrow, or better, the day
before.

I don't want to break down, I don't want to die, not until
I know how she tastes like... afterwards we'll enjoy our sweet
company.

I think I believe this might be sweet for me,
your beautiful face adn your sweet sweet kiss.

I enjoy your conversation, a higher inspiration,
you give me certain motivation.

Are you afraid? If so just tell me your name,
remember that you're not alone and that you have
this lonely friend.

All this time and all this I find, before things fall
apart, I want you to know, that there was nothing
I wouldn't try.

So change the color and change some plans,
things miight come sooner than we think.
Build a possibility, put out something less filthy,
think of me in some cleaner way.

Are you scared? Please bealieve me when I say that
I car, you take this heart of mine, and twist it around
and you give me a new name.

Thw week passed on pretty quickly, late night conversations and remembering past ones, made these days worth while. We've talked some, she's been incredibly busy at school, among other accidents, but still she let's me talk to her once in a while, things like that make my day.

Just feels good.

"WAITING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE"

Brazen is love's redeemer
When you have so far to go
It loves the true believer
For the innocence they own.

Life is good Life is grand
When you're sittin' on top of the world
Life is good when it's in your hands your hands
And nobody can change your world.

I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting.

All my prize possessions
That I thought I needed so
Dragged me down on a razor
With a heaviness they tow
always searching for a love that's in bloom
it's a warm and soft embrace
Hoping you'll never be lonely again
It's a fear that you just can't face.

I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting.

Life is good and life is grand
When you're sitting on top of the world
Life is good when it's in your hands your hands
And nobody can change your world.

I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting.

I'm just waiting, I'm just waiting,
I'm just waiting, I'm just waiting.

Tonic