"I need to write. HOly -shit do I need to write down some words." He said while lighting up another cigarette.

Things had changed since the last time he was around. I cant say he's better but I definitely cannot say that he's worse. It's difficult to explain, his face was the same but his voice was different, and I'm not talking about a change from the smoking, it was more like an elder speaking, a seasoned old man telling his tales.

"So, I'm getting married..." He told me with a smile. "It's the strangest feeling in the world. I wasn't nervous or anxious to propose, it all came so natural to me. It was as if I had breathed the words out."

He had told me about the girl months before but he never brought it up again, I had thought that nothing had come from it and that, like most things in his life, it had come to a premature end.

I knew life had been hard on him these past couple of years and during that time I wouldn't have been surprised if had gotten a call telling me that he had somehow died by his own hand. Now he's a changed man, like I said before, not better or worse, just more suited for what's to come.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked in between the smoke coming from his lips.

"As sure as I've ever been. For the first time there wasn't any fear or hesitation, I knew then that I had to take that momentum further and use for what I wanted to accomplish. I still have things to work out by myself but I know at least that part of my life is set."

I could still see smoke billowing from his mouth with every word he said, as if he hadn't blown it all out before he uttered his answer.

"Things are going to change as they always have." He continued, with his cigarette hanging from his lips. " Things are already changing in other people that at one point meant the world for me, but now I can't allow myself to be pushed to the brink of guilt. I did what I had to do to survive and now I'm picking up the fruit of that decision and it's one whose taste I'm enjoying."

He took another drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out, building a wall of smoke around him that hazed the edges of his face and gave the his word movement and a presence while traveling through the smoke.

"it's that I'm relishing in the guilt, it's more that I've learned to live with it as a part of who I am. I had to unintentionally hurt people to get myself where I am., anyone would do the same, everyone has."

That last comment made me look down to the ground and realize how right he was. People hurt and get hurt, people get over it and people like to get stuck on it. He's had his war and although he's far from winning it he's given himself the opportunity of fighting back.

I guess we all need that. He had changed.

I guess everyone needs a little change.