THE HAND THAT FEEDS
I change my ink to change what I see,
an empty page is a dead canvas to me.
So I force myself into the dark,
to take out the words in between all this
sorrow that I hold.
I bite the hand that feeds, for I don't wish
to eat, whats the point of eating if I'm not
allowed to breath?
I manipulate my soul, no longer carved
from stone, but only flesh and blood with a
delicate frame of bones.
I'm weaker than your wish, I keep my body
in a bony frailty just to I could hold on to the
wind.
But I'm still heavy enough to shake the heavens,
I'm strong enough to shut hells doors,
wanting only to find a simple space in between
that's not made of just dust and stone.
I bite the hand that feeds just for me to see,
if the hand that reaches out to me, still
bleeds.
H O M E
I'm riding down a road of hard work
and broken hearts, I've been broken before,
It's easy to get broken again.
I know, by far, how dangerous a distanced
road can be, I've walked on it in the past and
always been on the losing end.
But I cannot help to accept, this feeling
that drives me back. Back to where
I was alone but never as lonesome...
... a place I called home.
The road is the same, the city has
never changed, the people come and go
and leave little of those I used to know.
I fear a death alone, I fear that, in my
last goodbye, there wont be anyone there
to reply.
I've been so alone, I could just die on my own.
But I cant help to see, theres always a
brighter light. Even if it's too far away from
me, It's where I was alone, but never as lonesome...
...a place I called home...
...a place I used to call my own.
Posted by Hello
Sometimes I wonder how things can fall together
before they fall apart. But as far as this body can take me,
just remember I'll be by your side.
Climbing up and down then back again, over and under
and trhough our own problems, things we cant avoid but
we can sure as hell leave them behind.
to illuminate our way. I follow it north, for there you are,
a queen in my world, a ruler in your own room.
Walking the dessert in it's moonlit slumber, sleeping the days
away under a simple shade.
Running the mile closest to your door, keeping my heart in hand
for you to take hold.
Remember us, for we are the strongest these lands
ever saw, we were the wings of every bird that flew.
We were the only ones that knew, we were stronger
than all of of you.
We still are, we'll always be, just so we could walk this
starlit ground, turning off their light so we can sleep
in the perfect dark.
We'll leave the world behind in it's artificial light,
they can burn in their sun, we'll be comfortably asleep.
The archaeological life has been disappointing, to say the least, I havent been able to keep a steady job in that field because of different issues, ranging from weather to completely incompetent bureaucracy, that is why I have decided, alongside my dad, to start a little business, if this goes well, I just might put the archaeological life aside for a while, even though I love it so.
I came by this idea from my dad, when I asked him what should I do with some money I've got laying around doing nothing, I thought I could put it the bank and hope to get some interest but, looking at the interest rates right now, that didn't seem like a good idea.
This little business consists of exporting mexican crafts, pottery mostly into the US or any other country that is interested in such pieces. Right now, I'm still in the planning stage, still talking to people I know who can give me pointers, lead in the right way to make this work, good thing these people are, most of them, my relatives. My dad has always had this idea, at least ever since they moved to Guadalajara, but he didn't want to go at it alone, so with me in the picture, he put the idea on the table, and I jumped at it.
The great thing about this is that, near Guadalajara, there are two small towns, Tonala and Tlaquepaque, which are two of the most important manufacturers of mexican arts and crafts, ranging from beautiful archaeological pottery replicas to those corny tequila bottle and shot glass sets a lot of people buy. So, at least, I've got the manufacturers near by.
So that's my future plans, at least for now. If anyone has some pointers or advice, or knows someone that might be interested in this kind of merchandise, please let me know.
Cheers y'all.
A place so far away from home that I'm someone else
and where I'm am again born.
Far away from what we see, It's still farther away than
it seems. I'm not sure if yous see what I have planned for us
down this way.
Just dont hesitate and make this possible magic into
something malevolent and tragic. I'm building our home
somewhere else, something to call our kingdom come.
From what I observed and the idea the whole rally gave me was how, in my very particular point of view, ironically selfish Freedom of Speech is, it's at least how I percieve it sometimes. What I've always seen is this person, in front of a group of people, either 50 or as many as you like, and this person is chanting, screaming, reciting HIS/HER ideas, what HE/SHE thinks, what HE/SHE believes, in front of all these people that, to tell the truth, most of the time just recite the words back with big a unanimous "HURRAH!!!" or "WOOOO!!!!!!".
I'm not saying that Freedom of Speech is wrong, just that's a pretty selfish act, I mean, the beliefs of that person up on the podium or with the microphone are fine, but I dont believe I find it impossible, that every single person in the crowd supporting him agree in every single subject he does, or maybe they do but in a different way; maybe everyone wants better security in their schools with all the violence going around, but not everyone wants metal detectors in the toilet scanning your ass for any foreign objects.
Also, Freedom of Speech is only such, as long as you dont insult, aggravate, offend or attack the next person, it's just what I say about smoking, "Your right to smoke ends when my right to breath begins." It's easy to say to people who state their opinion when they're not asked to state one to "shut up", because they'll only say "Well then, dont listen.", it's just not as simple when you say to people not to smoke and they tell you not to breath.
I'm pro Free Speech, dont get me wrong, but I still think it's selfish, ironically so because it involves so many people sometimes
the face of truth, a stronger hand that pushes me to move.
I'm not one for the perfect words, desperation or your eternal damnation.
I've been given hell before, I've watched burn in all it's glorious form,
not of sulfur fire and ash, but of coldness, suffering and darkness.
Hell is as real as heaven and It's standing between you and me.
The distance scars and time blisters our skin, for a over a year we've
been beating the devil at it's own sadistic game.
We're not here for that chance that come only once, we're here to show
that we are made from more than skin and bones. We're more than these bodies
show.
We're here for eternity, or until death let's us move, we're here forever
until we tire of life and fall on each other.
We are here only for each other and none other.
EXISTENCE
Spirited away, you were taken from me,
for less than three days. Yet time whispered
it's breath of delayed blood and my own invented
dread.
I scowl at the feeling, bringing it close to
an impossibility. I remark the words handed
tonight, "Where are you, my Love?"
I shudder in despair, trembling with fright,
vomiting in disgust, from a lonesome presence
and my own pitiful existence.
Facing the night too late, waking to find
that another day is slain. I find it hard to bleed,
when the world and my enemies have taken all
they need.
I condemn all this empty space, these
swollen hands that should be stronger so time
could not take you away, arms that should be around
you, instead of the desert's days.
I slip from my distraction, choke on my disbelief,
on how quickly my life can easily slip from me,
and destroy my existence.
Is everything only in my head, or is there really something worth seeing outside?
It's just that the sun hurts my eyes and I'd rather prefer the wolrd a bit colder.
Without the sun beating down on me, so help me God, I'll fly far enough to stay
in the dark.
And if I go insane, it'll be fine with me. I dont want to break completely, until I'm
too far away for you to see.
You dont have to pick up my bones, I'm a burden only to gravity, making it work,
keeping me on the floor.
"Doesn't reincarnation strike you as another form a procrastination."
Chuck Palahniuk
It's hard for me to post on a daily basis, almost everyday I want to write something down but, when I get around to typing, my ideas just seem to run out of my head... Anyone remember "The Letter People" and how there were these words called "Runaway Words"??? That's almost exactly what happens. (Except the whole "High OH Silver, AWAY!!!!" part, my house would be pretty noisy if it were.)
I'm in that process I've called "Withdrawal", It's so easy for me to get used to the company of Isela that, in a week, I already feel her underneath my skin. It took me less than that to find out just how much I need her. It's only been three days since I last saw her, but it feels like a month. Even though the weather has helped me, it hasn't made the days go by any faster, it's just made them easier to live through.
Love the rainy days, the more gray, the colder, the better, it's weird for me that most of these days are during the summer, so you can say that I hate the summer during the day, but love it at night and in the mornings, when the air is cool and you can still still some rain falling over you. Beautiful.
Posted by Hello
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Posted by Hello
Yet, what I've found out recently is what exactly gives Time that enormous value that it has, and, ironically, it's death, think about, and read what Ray Kurzweil has to say about it:
"Take death for example; a great deal of our effort goes into avoiding it. We make extraordinary efforts to delay it and often consider its intrusion a tragic event. Yet we find it hard to live without it. Death gives meaning to our lives; it gives importance and value to time. Time would become meaningless if there were too much of it. If death were indefinitely put off the human psyche would end up... well, like the gambler in the Twilight Zone episode."
I just happen to be in complete accordance with him, but lets think about it a bit, constantly people are making "life plans", "List of thing to do before I die", "life goals", etc. If death didn't exist, we would all be able to take our time and do things whenever the chance presented itself, everything aside that, would be simple commodity.
Unfortunately, the fact that Death gives meaning to Time, means it give importance to other things, simple and yet complex life experiences. Would a sky diver feel the same rush??? Would a mountain climber climbing the Everest and reaching the top really make a difference in a world where Death doesn't exist??? The whole point of completing these hazardous events is that there is a possibility one might die, and that is why not everyone is capable of surviving a climb to highest peek in the world, or to even go through something that might endanger them.
Danger would cease to exist, Fear, because most fears are based on the chance of dying, would cease to exist as well, though some of the other more complex "Fears" deal with specific things, but I'm talking about more primal, instinctive fears. Imagine a Claustrophobic standing in front of a starved lion ina closed space, would that person be afraid of the fact that he or she is inside a closed cell, or that simply you might die being devoured by the lion??? Again, death brings meaning to everything.
...You love because you don't know how long you're going to be here, you love intensely because you know you will die, we procreate because it's the most efficient way to, in a way, become immortal while becoming dust. Now, certain people seek other ways to reach this "Immortality", they're called writers, inventors, scientists, doctors, artists, muscians, among others, they will die, their work and art wont, or at least it will outlive them far longer.
Eventually, a person would go mad, after seeing, experiencing, so much, memory would start to fade, all that rutine and monotony that will, at some point, engulf a person, the idea that he has seen everything there's to see, and will see, there would be nothing new, nothing worth living for, would drive this absolutle past the brink of insanity.
So what would be the point of not dying if there wasn't anything worth living for???
Stand aside, the world is about to show it's face, one of death and fallen grace;
the other, one I don't truly understand.
Lights may flash all around me, but my shadow remains in the dark,
and wherever I go, whatever I do, It's waiting for me by my side.
Shadows grow, light disappeared in the dark, you move around trying to find
a way outside.
Instead, you find yourself trembling, planted in the same spot.
Fear prevents you, it asks "Who are you to move?" And you get left behind.
Sour days and colder nights, I'd rather remain awake than dream a dream
of fright, of something I couldn't fight.
Sounds drill all around me, holes from where one can see reality,
but wherever I go, whatever I do, I'm still perfectly locked inside me.
Shadows melt and daylight reappears all around, I move forward to find my way
outside.
Only to find your horrors from the previous night.
Fear curls you up into a ball, it says "Don't worry theres nothing for you
in the outside world."
and sweat only to watch you fall over me.
I lost my sight, heart and confidence for you,
now, you're losing me.
And I don't want to be found, I'm still not broken.
If countless other could not break me, why would you?
That's why I still work a separate line, between reality
and perversion, a line you'd rather not walk down again.
So ask me if I'm tired, if the world is round, or am I really
out of my mind. A silent answer for you and I'll live without
guilt another day, and I'll forget everything you ever said.
I'll just say goodbye, and hope life treats you right.
"Something or the other, things still wrapped around you,
saying nothing more because I know your intentions,
trying to find what you left behind...
...you wont find dit me there anymore."
So I return to the only rutine I enjoy, one of sweet, sweet
company.
So I'll take my chances and put them by your side until
somethin better comes our way.
I'm living what I wished for and yet I want to teach you
so much more, willing to sacrifice a different future.
It's hard to see, but it's only moments like these where one realizes for how many people today just might be their last, tomorrow will never come because they passed in their sleep or another quick way. It's different with my aunt, she's been struggling for the past few years, not living a life because life just might end any second, not being able to have that little comfort of taking life for granted, like we all do, everyday.
People say you should live your life as if it was your last day, I dont like that saying one bit, that's what people who are afraid of dying say. They're so eager to get things done before they die, that they leave so many other behind, I'm not one to be pressured, I'm not one to be pushed around everywhere, to jumping out of planes, or having gay sex, all because tomorrow I might die. I take comfort in taking life for granted.
I cant say I blame anyone for what she's going thru, I dont reject or loathe death, I just dont think it's fair on HOW she's dying, she's suffering too much, completely unecessary, if God, or whoever, is going to take her either way, why the hell make her go thru all of this??? I guess I don't know how gods work nowadays, but, like I said I said before, I really cant blame anyone, except the one with the power to end it.
Thanks for making people suffer.
Oh wait, now I'm taking all the good things for granted, ahh, comfort.
So one can guess that, in the days to come, my writings will be centered around this whole topic about Death, and not coming to terms with it, simply because I don agree with it, not with Death, exactly, just the means. Makes me wonder who in the world gets a kick out of seeing us suffer until we die, isn't it just easier, for everyone, just to let go???
Running back and forth, someplace far
behind, it was brought to my attention that all things
were left when I went blind.
I tried to say, that things are staying the same, you
and me could always stay like this.
Insecurity running thru these veins, why would
you feel this way? About me, about this whole affair.
But, right now, I have nothing to say...
Hoping to find another day to spend by your side,
or just another way to understand.
Walking along the shore, bathed by the sun we
forget las night's sin.
We talk just like we were, we've always had things to say,
about each other, about our own day.
I'll some back, someday...
Hoping to find a way into your heart, I accept as
much as you give, because It's only as much as I can take.
Walking back to your door, after bathing in a kiss,
I don't smile until it feel like home.
I'm smiling now, while we talk just like we were...
But time passes by just as quickly (or slowly) in the desert as under the raining sky, we're both waiting for the exact same day, the exact same morning when all this distance will be reduced only to the space between each others lips in a kiss. We have a habit of kissing before we say a word, embracing in a tight hug before we can take a breath and fly to a mountaintop before we take a single step. We ride in strides, only because we don't have as much time as we'd like, we only have those fragments where distance and time are distracted tormenting someone elses poor soul.
But we've had our times, our spaces, and we've managed to use them efficiently, properly, giving ourselves the perfect balance between surprises and comfortable rutine.
No kiss is the same, no embrace is exactly the same, just like no snowflake is completely alike, every look she gives me opens up a whole new day, a whole new sensation where, with that look, she can communicate and entire lifetime.
Ok, so yeah, I've changed my template a few times, I just cant find one that really suits me, sorry to all the people who actually visit my blog, I'll try to stay with this one.
So, finally, I've got something to do, I wont get paid but, at least, I'll be doing something other than gathering dust. I'll be helping out Javier Reveles and Catherine Liot at "Estudios del Hombre" (Studies of Man), probably doing simple stuff like analyzing and categorizing material, after all, I'm not getting paid, I'm not about to bust my ass for no pay.
Still, what I'm looking for is to keep my mind and brain in check, functioning and not rotting away here at home, I'll also be more directly in contact with other archaeologists from around here, and abroad, more contacts, more possibilities, more work.
I'll start monday, lets see how it goes.
Last I heard from Courtney (This is thru "away" messages).
iamnotcourt: hey are you there?
iamnotcourt: I just wanted to leave you a message. I sat down here at the computer and started to read through your poems that you sent me, and before I knew it, I had went through every single one. It was kind of surreal, like picking up one of my own old journals, to see where life was and where it is now, you know, and it made me sad that we dont keep in touch like we used to.Makes me sad to think about growing and how life makes us have to change and grow, all be it for the better but none the less forces us to have to go through moments of sitting and reflections.The point to all of my rambling is this, I miss you and hope that life is being good to you, and I hope that life will allow me to slow down soon so that I can make time for these little things that keep us sane sometimes, you know?
iamnotcourt: of course you do, thatch why I treasure you so.....Take care and hope to hear from you soon
Yahoo! Messenger: iamnotcourt has logged out. (29/04/2004 01:25 p.m.)
Bloody hell!!! Now, I'm not one to put up news about animals too often, but this brave little kangaroo, can make people realize that animals aren't as stupid as they think, in they're own little animal kingdom sort of way , unlike that golf-eating dog I posted about a few days ago.
But one can't help but realize how stupid it is for a kangaroo, or any animal, to receive an award for bravery, in that case every lioness should receive one for defending her cubs. The kangaroo will most likely have no idea what the hell is going on, wanting only to hed back home, munch on some food, pooty, then go to bed
Oh well, I guess every country has something, anyone remember the "Chupacabras"?
If y'all not careful CIA agents might come after you after reading, and misinterpreting your blog. You know how people love to get things the wrong way, specially now, where everyone is so stressed out.
My all decent blogger become paranoid about who really reads what's in their blogs. I've always loved getting the government's attention, hehehe.
Cheers
I'm still a bit lost, your body is still a mystery to me,
still plenty of it to explore.
But I never seem to have the time, It's always over
too soon and we say goodbye for tonight.
For every experience from before, you are the most
subtle, complex and intriguing.
But don't keep the door locked for me, don't leave me
sleeping alone outside of your bed tonight.
My imagination slips on your image, like it always does,
my body slips into the real world when you're gone.
I swear, I try to keep awake, but sleeping tonight
means I can play with time...
...and come back to your bed again.
I see you write what you can, memorizing lines
so we can have something to talk about.
But if our minds can't think of the words, I say let our
bodies do all the talking.
Talk to me, I'm listening, I only have ears for your voice.
Kiss these lips that wait only to kiss yours.
Take me away, I'm ready to be taken away by you again.
To some people, mostly those who tend to be pretty ignorant, Archeology is exactly this. Those people are the ones that, usually, just go to see the sites as tourist attractions, and do not see them as more than a pile of stone rubble.
Obviously, few people actually know that the "Digging Process" is but a small portion or an archaeologist's job, it's a shame, really, 'cus it's the most entertaining part. Before one can have a dig season, there's an enormous list of things to accomplish before one stick the shovel into the ground.
First, get a project going, which is, pretty complicated, a lot more neurons burning in this part, gotta make it scientific enough, attractive enough and mysterious enough for the Archeological Board to accept it, which takes about a year, IF your lucky.
Now, the project isn't just writing up your intentions, there a huge bibliographical investigation on the area, an extensive, detail based, search of things from, what the people around there do to, which kinds of bugs hang around the area.
But, digging is a great thing, it's what makes archeology fun, though some archeological will disagree with me.
Ciudad Juárez, Chihuahua: "Where girls are hotter than melting magma."
Rodrigo Zapata Guevara
Duque de Anapra
Jesus christ!!!! hahahaha, I couldnt help but laugh, poor dog.
Would you stop eating if you had that many golf balls in your belly, hehehe.
All poets, BEWARE!!!! We just might die suddenly.
Might live as much as we can before getting ourselves in a mental institution, God knows I should be in one, or committing suicide, no worries there.
I keep having all these conversations in my head,
a girl I'd like to meet, a dream I'm finding hard
to complete.
We bite our nails and like to look far away, we share
laughs, our late night "stop 'till you drop" fests.
The chance, a bus trip to somewhere, a place
where rivers flow, where everything moves comfortably
slow.
We'd like to run into each other someday, strange
occurrences are welcome, a fated event only killed by
my income.
Both agreed that we met in past lives, wreaking childish
havoc and indulging our mind. With song and dance, the
opportunity for something grand.
I'll change my plans day to day, things never
stay the same. A different motivation, a sort of
sudden invitation, my life being in a far away
destination.
So I might stay and leave the change for another
day, walk with me, help me find a better place.
We'll walk away from fear and find a place in the shade,
leave all our troubles behind. We've been wound up too
tight.
Let's run away and find our place in the shade...
I'll write you into my plans in a day, like these things
might change. Reconnected function, a new relation, something
that springs forth clearer motivation.
So I might stay and change until a better day, walk
with me, help me find a better place.
We'll walk away from fear and find our place in the shade,
leave all our troubles behind, we've been wound up too
tight.
Let's run away and find our place in the shade...
Go ahead and change my world, tomorrow I'll be gone,
tomorrow I'll be someone else.
Another change of pace, could it be that what I need
is some peace and quiet and stay the same?
I mistakenly use my liberty, I'd rather celebrate
and leave my maturing for another day.
Another change of pace...
Tell me that it's all alright, tell me I'm fine,
tell the world that we can still fly.
Change my world... I dare you.
It's hard to try and comprehend the Mexican vision toward peaceful and group jobs, for jobs I mean CAREERS. The first two years as an Archeologist have been, well, hectic, to say the least. Lack of funds, complete and total cutting of funds, "our funds are where?" "Who's got our funds?"
Even though, the Iztepete project has been rewarding, two years and the place looks very nice, like it never has, so, if we've gotten all this reprise, all this "paper" support, and salutations, why hasn't the money poured in already? Easy, Mexican Governmental bureaucracy (I like to call it "Beaurocrazy.") Stupid secretaries, lazy public officials and even worse city mayors who prefer to put a real unnecessary cast on a local monument than dishing out the money for cultural projects that will last a lot longer and have more impact than a huge statue of a shield and spear wielding woman with a cast.
The statue has been there for decades, the Iztepete, even more, and will remain there, most likely, longer than most of us; the cast will be taken off in a few weeks... It seems people are enjoying more a passing thing, then something more permanent, all because of an ill "routine" that might just crawl up they're ass and make them see that this city will never change without long lasting urban and cultural projects.
That's not all, even with the international archaeological experience that I have, being still limited, this is something I do not see elsewhere except here: "Archaeological Mafias", yup, you heard right, "Mafias". Basically, how they work is as follows:
Archaeologist "A" does not get along with Archaeologist"B".
A new, plump, just recently graduated Archaeology Major, lets call him Archaeologist "C", decides to work with Archaeologist "A".
Automatically Archaeologist "C" will be permanently burnt with Archaeologist "B" and will never EVER work with him or her, because he or she assumes, Archaeologist "C" is on Archaeologist's "A's" side and not his or hers.
Ahem... Childish, need I say more?
This, obviously presents a troublesome scenario for young Archaeologists who, despite being excellent researchers and dependable workers, will not be able to complete an original project due to the constant shots being fired at them by people they have never met, nor have read they're plans for a project.
This happens to me, and to many other people. That is why the rest of my graduating class and I, and those below us, have made up our minds to leave Mexico and work elsewhere.
It's more of a necessity, than a personal choice, what are you going to do when you cant work properly or ascend the social ladder into a better quality of life? It's difficult enough that Archaeology in Mexico doesn't pay much (IT DOESN'T PAY ENOUGH), it's worse when people are constantly shooting you down, or you cant work because a decent project cant get of it's feet.
That's what happens to Archaeologists in Mexico, and it's not just in my area, Historians, Anthropologists, have the same problem, I hope it's not all over the world.
Where is my lover??? Where might she have gone??? I cant say I waited for her, but I can say I had her in my heart. But it's late, she might be asleep, does she feel safe without my arms around her??? Is she dreaming a dream of me???
I missed her today, an empty house and only this lonely soul to walk inside it, where are you my love, when my body cried for yours??? Can't you hear my heart's loud beating??? Must I scream the wind out of my lungs??? Will you hear me then???
Are you hearing me now??? Are you smiling while you sleep??? Will you embrace me when I come around??? I missed you today, for all the sake of the world, I missed you today.
So I'll sleep tonight, a sound slumber with restless dreams, my body aches, my mind wanders, my heart beckons to hear you say, "I love you", "touch me again", "take me away." So I'll sleep tonight with a restless soul until I find a way to come back home.
I missed you today.
A lot of time has passed since I wrote anything down, a lack of inspiration or just too little time on my hands to just sit down and write something good.
So I'm what you can call, "Ok", I just left the love of my life some 2,200 kilometers away and I'm here by myself, can't complain really, because I just spent a whole month with her, still, it feels good to complain, and I just might do so.
She's so far away right now, that the only way we can talk is through means that just don't express any emotions, even by phone, your voice cannot totally express what you want people to notice, but, It's all we can do right now, it's all we have.
She's beautiful, kind of like a "lost and found", because we had a connection some years ago, she was very young and I was in a complicated situation, sparks flew but we only got burnt , thankfully, it didn't leave scars and we found each other again, probably just by chance, because I don't like to believe in fate.
So this is like a little welcoming "free write", I hope this will make me come back to this blog which I left to rot a long time ago, I'm amazed I still have the account.
So, anyway, when your 24 and you've just found out you've used up all your God-given potential well, then, cheers.
FAMILIAR WARMTH
I stared at the ceiling today and it stared back,
relentless look always looking down at me, it shows
me it's heart of stone.
I turn to my side, It's sight gone off to somewhere
else, I look at the pictures, windows and walls
all around, they push me down.
But then my hand brushes close to a familiar warmth,
my body moves toward it, I open my eyes to find you
laying by my side.
And the walls shatter, the windows open wide and
the ceiling loses it's eyes, I fall asleep and into the
dream world again.
All my thoughts have left while I stand alone,
while I fly back, never looking down, always ahead,
where you always are.
So I turn my head to one side, just to look for your hand,
and I smile while my eyes cry out "Can't you hear
my hearts loud beating?"
But then my hface is brushed by a familiar warmth,
my body reacts and my face moves towards it, to find
kissing my bloodstained cheer.
And the clouds all huddle together and cover up
the sun, they give us a little shade and rain to soften
the ground we'll fall upon.
So whatever reason we may have is reason enough
to hold our stance, against everything between us,
against everything but our world.
I've always wondered , how things move
and people change, from time to time,
but time stands still.
Depressed as I am I cant help but smile,
because I know hat for every darkened sky
the sun will eventually shine.
I'd like to shine sometime, just like you have
all the time.
If time was my friend, I'd have it in my hand,
she'd give me all of her that I need and I'd give
myself to her like I've already did.
Stepping on snow, leaving footprints
behind, one pair of footprints, to show I've
always walked alone.
Good times or bad times always one pair
of footprints alone.
Melting snow, now the footprints
are gone, little left of what I've left behind
nothing of what I've learned.
Better times and worse times, always walking
by my self.
TIRED OF SAYING
In time I’ll see, I know times are hard and
few things are what they seem.
Whoever thought that time sits still was blinded
by the thought and run over by the truck.
I’m tired of saying that everything is too complicated to understand,
that dreams always seem to slip from my hands.
I will stop time!!! I will capture light!!!
And that truck will miss me because I’ll be flying a mile high.
So in time I’ll see, that life plays it’s own games
and plays them with me.
Whoever thought love is a straight line was pushed around for fun
and got run over by life.
I Will stop time!!! I will capture love!!!
And life will walk down with me and show me all that’s going by.
Having another time of my life,
there’s still time, to think, before
the lights die down.
Rolling the town on our hands,
chances of a lifetime brought together
by these hands.
So I’ll stand and toast for this trip
Then just turn my head an walk away…
… and dream again.
A sudden inquiry, what could she be offering with this sudden possibility?
A midnight thought, only interrupted by dreams, uncertainty and doubt.
We crossed swords before, she and I both knew what we were intended for,
maybe just that night instead of a later reproduction of our own fall.
¿Could she propose? ¿Can she say the words I’ve been doubting and writing in my verse?
Unaware of my position in this event, still not sure if I am to stay or go away,
maybe just to give our selves to this, a sort of farewell kiss.
Go ahead and change my world, tomorrow I’ll be gone,
tomorrow I’ll be somewhere else.
Another change of pace, could it be that what I need
is some peace and quiet and stay the same?
A bad use of my liberty, I ‘d rather join a celebration and
leave my maturing for another day.
Another change of pace, could it be that what I need
is some peace and quiet and stay the same?
Tell me that It’s all al right, tell me I’m fine,
tell the world that we can still fly.
Words make up only for words
that were said before, actions speak louder
than you and the say nothing worth remembering.
Even though once you said time
and distance were not enough, what you did say spoke
louder than you ever thought.
No more intentions, just this bloody relationship
you insist upon, calm your words and cower in your
corner, you were doing fine until now.
But something woke you up, a threat of losing
what you thought you held so tightly but you never
held at all, you lost power over my soul.
So whatever things are needed
to be said, forget them for today and leave me
in peace for a change, I don’t care for what you have to say.
Although things could’ve worked out
and I made you believe, just take it as a sort of
revenge , something I’d never do, well It’s about time
I changed.
No more intentions, just this bloody relationship
you insist upon, dragging the past back to my door,
well there I’ll introduce you to my new owner.
Still something woke you up, the thought of losing
what you thought was forever yours while it was
never yours at all, you lost power over my soul.
So now whatever you do, don’t come
around here while I’m still around, I’m not interested
in starting a war in foreign ground.
Stay put, stay still for a change,
realize that a heart once broken can never be mended
again…
… stay and appreciate your own place.
Things don't change as easily as one wishes, or needs, she is going crazy and she's driving me out of my mind, she needs to get a life, she needs to realize that she has got it better than I do, I'm not from this town, my only way to relax is to write, she has friends here, mine have already left this god for saken city.
I need to let loose for a while, do nothing because I can, breath just for the sake of breathing, no responsabilities other to myself and to what I do, basically I need to be alone.
Aparently I come back to this blog whenever something important happens in my life, "important" meaning the fact that I just had to break up with my girl... yeas "HAD" to break up.
It's strange how one can give so much to another yet the one receiving feels he's not giving shit, contrary of course to want the other thinks, one feels right down bad, if there are words to describe how I feel, "bad" would be the last one, shit is to clean right now for me, sometimes It's easy to hate yourself, doesn't anyone agree?
Anyway, It's over, this time for good, the first time I thought I could walk over those demons that haunted, and I did, for a while, she actually took it upon herself to make me fall in love with her again every single day, something she acomplished yet made me feel even worse, she gave so much, yet I felt I gave her so little, she says otherwise.
I truly hope she's ok.
