The world can spin,
it can shake the floor
and drop me to the ground.

I'm embarrassed to say
that I've lost my vision
of how this world used to be.

I'm not convinced It's round
anymore.

The world can spit on me,
it can throw my dreams into
the floor and crush them
with her foot.

I'm troubled to realize
that I can do more then what
I'm intended for.
I'm not quite convinced that
my life was all laid flat on
the floor.

Don't worry about me, I'm bound for worse things, so if you see me on the floor just wait,
I'm bound for fall farther down.

I find doubt throwing me deeper into loneliness, when a simple answer can change the way
I look at love, still hide safely behind a concrete wall.

Concrete can still break and a heart can still be mended.
The world can still be flat so that one can still fall of the edge.

Don't worry about the cloud over my head, it erases the steps I've made making sure I
don't turn back stare at my past.

I find the dust gathering on my shoulders, I drag the rocks behind my forgotten steps,
I've dropped love on the floor before I killed it with stones.

Stones can still break but love can survive under all their weight.
The world can turn into a ball and spin me dizzy out of my way.

   Run it around my neck, place the collar and pull me back, I'm yours. Mistreat me then feed me to the dogs, clean me up and tell me that you love me before you kill me.

I'm your abuser, I'm the abused. The days hit hard both ways, the punches I've pulled are the wounds I've inflicted on myself.

   Turn the fire up, kiss me long before you throw me in the mud. I'll carry the sins too heavy for you as long as you're mine before you kill me. Before I disappear.

I'm the abuser and yo abuse me back, the silences are sharper than knives, they're the ignorance that's taking and eating away our lives.

   Bury me in the ground so I can save your space when you come visit me again.

   I've tried to understand how life works then lead us away from what we were meant.

   I never thought I could live this long, yet I always thought this felt too wrong, the words of a man ring inside my skull asking me "Why do you deny human nature?"

I've lived my life against the balance of what my body does against what nature intends. I lived based on how I've loved and not by how I've been broken in half.

   It is fidelity that such a simple torture for myself, the fact of waiting and be left alone.

   I never believed someone would open to me so bold, a word so harsh, and intent to kill the years that passed with a simple act from an inaccurate theater act.

I've seen how my life wants me to be, taking turns at the wheel letting go whenever I forget how to drive. I've lived based on how I've been loved, never by how I've been torn apart.

And until all the breath decides to leave my lungs, I'll write these that tell the stories of then and now.

   You drag me to where I can be dropped, the edge of sanity and piece of mind when I though I could get away from that this time.

   We walk where we were left to die, funny how the world where our hearts were broken and bodies mistreated seems to be our favorite place.

   A desert sun and scorching heat, a landscape once adored now only becomes our meeting point.

We escape, we walk to the cold where rain of fire is replaced by falling snowflakes.

   It's a matter of time before I close my eyes to move again, the time and space change what once was great into something that can easily be destroyed.

You are what creates and destroys each and everyone of my days.

So, how does one destroy what he loves the most? How does one survive with this thought eating him up inside?

   I had a strange premonition of a hard
cold past and sinful memories.
   I have been the devil and I have been
the saint, I have flown in the clouds and
I have walked over burning coals.

Leave a light on for me, because next time
I come back, I'll never leave.

Forget our past and the tears we have spent,
not even hell can overpower whatever strength
we have left.

   My light is combined with darkness and
shade, It's my own little escape.
   For every good deed in my life I have
another sin, for every time I've flown in
the sky I have crashed on the ground.

   And burnt my feet.

Leave whatever you know of me for when
I come back I'll never leave.

Forget our past and stop planning the future,
whatever time we have is much better spent
in our own personal seclusion.

ME AND (IN) MY PARANOIA

   It's these types of things that like to get into my head and rip it apart with images that most likely are the farthest from the truth possible but, nevertheless, they seem to get inside my demented little head. It doesn't take me much to get me started and for my imagination to run wild, a few words or some assumptions, even something that's not even there but I misinterpret, "What could this mean? Am I being laughed at? Am I being mocked? I really don't know, one can never be sure, one has to trust people more than I do now or else one can go even crazier than I am now.

   It's images I see in the dark, images in my head and I represent in writing or others peoples designs, sometimes I am not able to construct my own. These images naw away at my subconscious, eat my sanity and make me go to bed with all that will hurt me, nothing can ever help me from this. I trust people, that's MY nature, that's what I do, I've always thought that living a life of distrust is even more self-destructive than what I'm going through now, just because what I feel now is what I've imposed on myself, the problem is once I started I've found it hard to stop.

   I tend to confirm I images by latching on to any speck of evidence that supports my suspicions and ignore or misinterpret any evidence to the contrary. I'm ever watchful and may look around for signs of a threat, or it's just the fact that I misinterpret EVERYTHING. It's something so debilitating because here I am trying to figure out my whole life while just trying to ignore all my delusions, so hurting, so painfully THERE, I cant help but think the worst sometimes.

   It's absolutely frightening what my head comes up with.

   There are so many other things out there that are more important than this but people cant seem to carry on with they're own lives, they have to delve into subject that will never, or at least not in a LONG time, be resolved; I'm saying other things are important than this because people sometimes take these things too seriously, religon and moral are a big thing dont get me wrong, but there are way to treat this, there are also other things one has to do, for example, go on with their lives. But like a I said, there are people who build their world and lives based far too much on these things, things they cannot change, maybe because the fact that religion is sometimes so "unchangable" that i's a sort of comfort these people loo for; a change scares some, for people like me, it's a welcome comfort.

   The reason for me writting abou this is that there has been a question I've been reading on my way to school, I say this because it's posted on a bulletin board on my way to my office, it asks "Should morals and religion be taught in the classroom?" and whats my answer you might ask, Morals = YES, Religion =Not as much. Theres a problem is this (and all countries) when people cannot distinguish the difference between morals and religion, one and the other might meld well together but aren't necessarily the same thing. It's strange how you can teach Morals without religion but you cant teach religion without morals.

   Obviously what pops into everyones head here is that if your going to teach morals in the classroom you're gonna have to throw in a few paragraphs from the Bible, why would you do that??? It's perfectly fine to to use Christ as an EXAMPLE, hell, you can use any religious figure for all I care as long you don't use him only, of course, I am one that doesn't mind hearing a bout any specific religion in class, after all I'm note religious at all and do not feel comfortable talking about it or experience people practicing what they believe in, I do feel it's incorrect to make a habit of referencing religious characters in any kind of moral study. Are these religious figures THE ONLY moral moral human beings that have existed (or have been created if you want)? Is there anyone out there that is an atheist but live morally? Of course there is, there has to be, demographically it's IMPOSSIBLE that this person does not exist.

   What I also think is that people tend to exaggerate too much on these kinds of subject, people nowadays if they see a person talking about their religion they feel like they[re being pressured to join, you cant give an opinion because it might be more based on religion than fact, if you believe in God it doesn't mean that you've been living a lie, at one point in time EVERYONE in the world believed in some sort of deity, so it's far from wrong. Now, that doesn't mean that being an atheist is completely wrong, I do have to admit it's a very comfortable way to go through every day but it's not really wrong, I think it's very practical, you go through your life living each day not worrying about whether that gum you stuck under the table or that lusty look you gave to that girl on the bus stop is going to be your ticket to hell.

   Religion should be used only as an example not as a strict "yes/no", "right/left", "you are wrong and I am right" subject, the problem is there are too many religions in this world that, regardless of their differences, basically they are the same, certain morals might be considered universal like helping your fellow man, the less fortunate, and these things aren't necessarily christain, they existed before anyone decided to write a book as influential as the Bible, there was just this guy who was smart enough to coin them as commandments. I say keep morals in class and bring in religion once in a while, but in way the shows that most religions have these same morals, might make a more interesting class that way.

   Jealousy is a strange thing, it can drive to achieve what you need or it can drive you completely mad, even simple things, small confessions suddenly known that really have no value or worth are felt almost as stabs, one cannot help to be envious of a person who has the ability to do or see what one cannot. When I read the words I felt slapped, but not by her but by my own feelings, I later looked at the person and tried to figure out why and how she would think of him like that, what made to interesting, attractive, what does he have that I dont, 'cus even if I dont like to admit it every day of at least one semester she did what she could to be in his class

   These are my own demons, my own envy, my won jealousy, I cant help but sometimes hate those people that can see her every single day and take her for granted, I've never done so and I've convinced myself never to do that and that's exactly what makes me so angry, I cant go a single day without wishing, praying, asking for an opportunity to be with her and there's all these group of people around her that just cant see what I see in her, I see so much and I miss it all.

   So I live with my envy, my jealous towards all those people around her, with my constant necessity to be near her, kiss her, hold her, anything but with her, I live with it because it is my choice.
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