ME AND (IN) MY PARANOIA

   It's these types of things that like to get into my head and rip it apart with images that most likely are the farthest from the truth possible but, nevertheless, they seem to get inside my demented little head. It doesn't take me much to get me started and for my imagination to run wild, a few words or some assumptions, even something that's not even there but I misinterpret, "What could this mean? Am I being laughed at? Am I being mocked? I really don't know, one can never be sure, one has to trust people more than I do now or else one can go even crazier than I am now.

   It's images I see in the dark, images in my head and I represent in writing or others peoples designs, sometimes I am not able to construct my own. These images naw away at my subconscious, eat my sanity and make me go to bed with all that will hurt me, nothing can ever help me from this. I trust people, that's MY nature, that's what I do, I've always thought that living a life of distrust is even more self-destructive than what I'm going through now, just because what I feel now is what I've imposed on myself, the problem is once I started I've found it hard to stop.

   I tend to confirm I images by latching on to any speck of evidence that supports my suspicions and ignore or misinterpret any evidence to the contrary. I'm ever watchful and may look around for signs of a threat, or it's just the fact that I misinterpret EVERYTHING. It's something so debilitating because here I am trying to figure out my whole life while just trying to ignore all my delusions, so hurting, so painfully THERE, I cant help but think the worst sometimes.

   It's absolutely frightening what my head comes up with.