I don't know how to start this.

   I wrote it down on my journal a few days ago: "... It's bad to disappoint other people, worse when you disappoint yourself..." Funny how that works the other way around with me. I'm used to disappointing myself, I'm used to bringing myself down because of different reasons, I just cant get used to disappointing another person, specially those that worked so hard to help me and gave me opportunities. I've found that these are the people I hurt the most.

   I'm failing miserably at what I'm doing right now. It seems as like I'm doing all this on purpose but It's not so, I'm trying, I really am but I just can't seem to understand whats going on. It's as if I know all I need to know before the tests and as soon as i put my hand in the first paper bag my mind goes blank, completely blank.

   I haven't been in school in more than four years... I say, ... I cant get used to sitting down on a chair and cram like I used to." It used to be that I didn't have problems like these, I would be able to go through a test, not necessarily ace it, but do above average. I was never the worst average in my class.

   I was never like this. When did I become like this?