Poisoning Myself Slowly

   She told me: "How could you to this to me?

   It's happened again, I keep making the same mistake over and over again, why? I don't know, maybe I don't want to know the answer to that, maybe I'm scared to find out that I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. They say some people aren't made to fit with other people, they're meant to be alone and not bother others, maybe I'm one of those, maybe I'm supposed to watch the rest of the world find whatever and whoever completes them.

   I've taken that chorus very seriously, trying to understand why it fits so much with how I see the world. How life disappointed me is my own personal war, my own little strife, my own mission to accomplish. I'm almost done with it just the same as I've almost been done with it so many times before.

   It's just so tiring, too expecting of me. People constantly expect something from me when all I do is try NOT to give them hope for anything, yet people still believe the lies, people still buy the words and stupidities that come from my head, the writings from my hands and the ink that stains my fingertips. All these lies, all this fake, make-believe life I've made up for myself.

   It's bad when you disappoint other people, it's worse when you disappoint yourself and being as low as I am right now, it took quite an effort to disappoint me once again. But maybe that's what I'm here for, to make people believe in me and promptly destroy they're hopes of me, maybe I'm that person that teaches the world that you can't trust anybody else. Maybe I'm that kind of asshole. Maybe I'm like those people I hate, maybe that explains why I hate myself so much sometimes.

   It's amazing how my best effort amounts only to mediocrity, It's amazing how I've made so far without forgetting how to breath. So I'm poisoning myself slowly so people cant say a word when I die, suicide is too predictable, everyone expects that from me because I've mentioned it before, I've had the blade to my wrist, I've the pills in my mouth.

   So I constantly disappoint, I constantly make people have the wrong idea of me then slowly show them who I really am, just a leech, just someone taking up space and not just breathing someone else can take but poisoning the rest for other around me. I'm a walking, living, breathing, coughing, contaminating, trampelling, destroying "Pigpen."

   The poison I have for breakfast is the same I have for lunch, dinner and in between. I'm far from quitting, if I'm ever quitting at all.

   It's easier to poison myself slowly.

Sittin on the beach, the island king of love deep in fijian seas, deep in some blissful dream. Where the goddess finally sleeps
In the lap of her lover subdued in all her rage and I'm aglow with the taste of the demons driven out and happily replaced with the presence of real love the only one who saves.

I wanna dance with you.
I see a world where people live and die with grace.
The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace.
I wanna dance with you.
I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds,
and lead us back to a world we would not face.

The stillness in your eyes convinces me that I don't know a thing and I been around the world and I've tasted all the wines a half a billion times came sickened to your shores. You show me what this life is for.

I wanna dance with you.
I see a world where people live and die with grace.
The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace.
I wanna dance with you.
I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds,
and lead us back to a world we would not face.

In this altered state.
Full of so much pain and rage,
you know we got to find a way to let it go.

Sitting on the beach, the island king of love deep in Fijian seas, deep in the heart of it all where the goddess finally sleeps after eons of war and lifetimes, she's smiling and free. Nothing left but a cracking voice and a song, oh lord.

I wanna dance with you.
I see a world where people live and die with grace.
The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace.
I wanna dance with you.
I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds,
and lead us back to a world we would not face.

I would not face.
I would not face.
I would not face.
I would not face.
I would not face.