Tired of this Game

"I think I'm tired of this fucking game." He thought to himself. Everything that's happened since all of this started was just building up toward whimpering finale. He always thought there was a possibility but that was just his own personal sick motivation driving him crazy as it always does.

It wasn't the first time he was let down but that certainly did not make it feel any better. She'd call him over or pay any attention to him whenever a certain group of people were not present and even that was not a guarantee of any kind. He'd still be left sitting by himself waiting for a reaction.

He had changed so much in so little time, he was the first to admit it, if not to himself, at least to me. The smoking, the driving, the drinking, the late nights. Everybody thinks it was a way for him to socialize or to mis in with the group he wanted to belong to when, in fact, it was only a way for him to be close to her.

So many things changed in him without him even noticing until later on. His illness in the bedroom disappeared and he was so excited about this, yet felt wasted for it not being used. He doesn't know what cured him but he knows everything here had something to do and he's been dying to show off to somebody. He's the only one in his group to remain "sober" after coming here, not because he didn't want to but because all of his attempts have ended up with him going home by himself.

Just like last night, he came home smelling of cigarette smoke and alcohol, by himself, let down and looking down at the ground as if he was trying to memorize the patterns on the carpet. I bet he soon will.

I don't know what he's getting out of this or what he's losing for that matter, but I think he's realizing that it's not a fair trade and that he's putting a lot more than he's getting back, I can see that on his face and in his expression, he's sad and he'd like this for some time but now, he's just absolutely frustrated.

I haven't seen him since that day at the park, all I know is from what people have told me about him. They say he's drinking and smoking too much: they say they hardly recognized him.

They say he's thinking of leaving again...