I've always wondered , how things move
and people change, from time to time,
but time stands still.

Depressed as I am I cant help but smile,
because I know hat for every darkened sky
the sun will eventually shine.

I'd like to shine sometime, just like you have
all the time.

If time was my friend, I'd have it in my hand,
she'd give me all of her that I need and I'd give
myself to her like I've already did.

Stepping on snow, leaving footprints
behind, one pair of footprints, to show I've
always walked alone.

Good times or bad times always one pair
of footprints alone.

Melting snow, now the footprints
are gone, little left of what I've left behind
nothing of what I've learned.

Better times and worse times, always walking
by my self.

TIRED OF SAYING

In time I’ll see, I know times are hard and
few things are what they seem.

Whoever thought that time sits still was blinded
by the thought and run over by the truck.

I’m tired of saying that everything is too complicated to understand,
that dreams always seem to slip from my hands.
I will stop time!!! I will capture light!!!
And that truck will miss me because I’ll be flying a mile high.

So in time I’ll see, that life plays it’s own games
and plays them with me.

Whoever thought love is a straight line was pushed around for fun
and got run over by life.

I Will stop time!!! I will capture love!!!
And life will walk down with me and show me all that’s going by.

Having another time of my life,
there’s still time, to think, before
the lights die down.

Rolling the town on our hands,
chances of a lifetime brought together
by these hands.

So I’ll stand and toast for this trip
Then just turn my head an walk away…

… and dream again.

A sudden inquiry, what could she be offering with this sudden possibility?

A midnight thought, only interrupted by dreams, uncertainty and doubt.

We crossed swords before, she and I both knew what we were intended for,
maybe just that night instead of a later reproduction of our own fall.

¿Could she propose? ¿Can she say the words I’ve been doubting and writing in my verse?

Unaware of my position in this event, still not sure if I am to stay or go away,
maybe just to give our selves to this, a sort of farewell kiss.

Go ahead and change my world, tomorrow I’ll be gone,
tomorrow I’ll be somewhere else.

Another change of pace, could it be that what I need
is some peace and quiet and stay the same?

A bad use of my liberty, I ‘d rather join a celebration and
leave my maturing for another day.

Another change of pace, could it be that what I need
is some peace and quiet and stay the same?

Tell me that It’s all al right, tell me I’m fine,
tell the world that we can still fly.

Words make up only for words
that were said before, actions speak louder
than you and the say nothing worth remembering.

Even though once you said time
and distance were not enough, what you did say spoke
louder than you ever thought.

No more intentions, just this bloody relationship
you insist upon, calm your words and cower in your
corner, you were doing fine until now.

But something woke you up, a threat of losing
what you thought you held so tightly but you never
held at all, you lost power over my soul.

So whatever things are needed
to be said, forget them for today and leave me
in peace for a change, I don’t care for what you have to say.

Although things could’ve worked out
and I made you believe, just take it as a sort of
revenge , something I’d never do, well It’s about time
I changed.

No more intentions, just this bloody relationship
you insist upon, dragging the past back to my door,
well there I’ll introduce you to my new owner.

Still something woke you up, the thought of losing
what you thought was forever yours while it was
never yours at all, you lost power over my soul.

So now whatever you do, don’t come
around here while I’m still around, I’m not interested
in starting a war in foreign ground.

Stay put, stay still for a change,
realize that a heart once broken can never be mended
again…

… stay and appreciate your own place.

Things don't change as easily as one wishes, or needs, she is going crazy and she's driving me out of my mind, she needs to get a life, she needs to realize that she has got it better than I do, I'm not from this town, my only way to relax is to write, she has friends here, mine have already left this god for saken city.

I need to let loose for a while, do nothing because I can, breath just for the sake of breathing, no responsabilities other to myself and to what I do, basically I need to be alone.

Aparently I come back to this blog whenever something important happens in my life, "important" meaning the fact that I just had to break up with my girl... yeas "HAD" to break up.

It's strange how one can give so much to another yet the one receiving feels he's not giving shit, contrary of course to want the other thinks, one feels right down bad, if there are words to describe how I feel, "bad" would be the last one, shit is to clean right now for me, sometimes It's easy to hate yourself, doesn't anyone agree?

Anyway, It's over, this time for good, the first time I thought I could walk over those demons that haunted, and I did, for a while, she actually took it upon herself to make me fall in love with her again every single day, something she acomplished yet made me feel even worse, she gave so much, yet I felt I gave her so little, she says otherwise.

I truly hope she's ok.

I've got everything right now, yet I'm missing something, getting out if this place would be just fine, leaving acompanied would be grand. I'm not sure of what is going on, turning and turning all around, all these things have changed from last night, last night I could still understand.

So if i started missing you from the second you left my sight, the rain blurring my sight al I could do there was slip and fall, hurt myself once again.

I've got everything right now, yet I'm missing something...

Another chance of a lifetime, another chance to get away from all of this, strange how some things can just fix themselves.

It's been a while, I know, things have happened, there is too much to talk about, and I've written so much It's about time I got back on track.

I discovered that the love I so much hoped for both turned and let me down, who knows, some women act strngely different when they know they have someone in the palm of their hands, she just didn't count that I wasn't willing to take any shit from no one, so the shit she gave me, I gave back.

After coming back home, I discovered another thing, an old friend, one I've known from the moment I came to Guadalajara, she is now something grander, we are something better, how could I have been so blind? I don't know, but well, better late than never, at least that worked for this situation.

Trying to make this work again...

"Yes theres love if you wan't it...
... don't sound like a sonnet, my love"

"... I stop to say hello 'cus I think
you should know, by now..."

The Verve

So I write in this journal, just because I don't have the balls to even write her, damn, It's too strange, how can I feel such a connection with someone I barely met? She has lieved so much, seen even more, experienced the world, she's done things out of this world, and this way I'm left way behind, having so little to actually compare with what she's acomplished, does she really seek a sort of "tranquility" that I can give... I don't know, I'll probably will in a couple of days.

I'm scared, I actually am, anticipation for going home never grew this big in so long, I know she's something else, the problem is that I'm just something too common... I have still to know waht she sees in me.

The truth is that I havent been as direct to anyone as I have been with her, still, I don't exactly know what I've actually said, I wrote constantly, almost pathologically, what I write basically rapeats itself over and over again, but only I know that, other people only see a different rhyme. Though she says she like ambiguity... she's probably not getting the message, I don't know.

I'm just losing it again, and again, and again.

For someone who's that far away.

Keep quiet and just breath a new life
into me, thru a kiss or an embrace,
I'd love to have you face to face.

Turn to a lighter page, life doesn't follow
a steady pace, the rocks and boulders block
the roads to find that definite resting place.

not death or solitude, just complete peacefulnes
and room for just me and you, where I'd love to
play beneath you...

... and leave it all up to you...

"THE LIGHTS FALL"

A walking distance from home, you're just
stones throw as close.
And it converts me into a true believer,
now that I have so little to endure.

Life was good and life was grand while I
was at your side.
Life was good and now I hope you'll won't
slip thru my hands.

Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall,
just so we could dance by ourselves in the dark.
Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall
just so I could tell the truth and leave the lies behind.

Giving up on those ancient memories that dragged
me down close to a razor.
And the weight that you lift is what makes me move,
and theres nothing even death can do.

Swearing that I'll never give in to my
loneliness.
It's the feeling so soft that you give and
the words that you nring to me...

...it's the feeling I wish to see...

Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall,
just so we could dance by ourselves in the dark.
Now I'm only waiting for the lights to fall
just so I could tell the truth and leave the lies behind.

Life was good and life was grand while you were
showing me your world.
Life was good and nothing can change my
world.

Things are strange, nothing to feel bad about, yet, just the same to feel good about, feeling so out of place here I can't even put my feelings into order, really wanting to do one thing and that is leave this city behind. Funny, people have complained to me, they say I've got what most want, hmm, those people just don't understand, why do people think that the one that goes away is the one that's haveing the time if his life?

The truth is, the one that leaves starts from zero, although that's something I WISH to do now, I really didn't back then, so I started a new life and ended up rejecting most of it, this place is not for, I am not built for a place like this, the people, the places, too crowded, too much of too much, I don't like it, you can t take a break without being shot thru a cannon of whatever crap is out on the street and you ended up more stressed out than when you left home.

I'm going home in a couple of weeks, to see friends, family and hopefully her, It's easy for me to say that I'm exceited about seeing her, the few people that know me here notice that, it's actually easy to see, I walk around so lightheartedly, not a care in the world, just the wait until then troubles me... It's just another two weeks, I've been waiting like this for four years, I'm used to it, nothing new for me.

Yet I'm not enjoying myself right now, if I could maybe open up a little bit more, try her once more, tell her this I feel maybe I wouldn't feel as preassured, I just really need to get outta here, I just really need to see someone like her right now.

"CHANGE ME"

We'll tell the story os two strangers who kissed
and left in they're obligated hurry, running into
people and cars having only that kiss in they're mind.

Missing that feeling of having just met, that angel that
came down.

So fill my soul and cleanse my mind, for the road
ahead to see you is long... remind me thre is time,
remind me that I can change.

I'll carry this human pain, a reason for me to sya,
someday I'll change...

...change me...

When things already are, somethings might resemble
something else, a possibility turned into somthing grander.

Convince me that I can fly and I can catch up with you
in mid flight, with brand new wings you give me something better
than just the sight...

... of your body on my bedside, of my dreams where I smile.

Try something better than believing, try expereancing...

I sleep for habit, for If I could I would give my moons
just so I could sleep with you.

Habit forming paranoia, tonight might be the night
I take flight, or I just might find a worse fate, far away from
my utopia.

I miss you, I want to see you, tomorrow, or better, the day
before.

I don't want to break down, I don't want to die, not until
I know how she tastes like... afterwards we'll enjoy our sweet
company.

I think I believe this might be sweet for me,
your beautiful face adn your sweet sweet kiss.

I enjoy your conversation, a higher inspiration,
you give me certain motivation.

Are you afraid? If so just tell me your name,
remember that you're not alone and that you have
this lonely friend.

All this time and all this I find, before things fall
apart, I want you to know, that there was nothing
I wouldn't try.

So change the color and change some plans,
things miight come sooner than we think.
Build a possibility, put out something less filthy,
think of me in some cleaner way.

Are you scared? Please bealieve me when I say that
I car, you take this heart of mine, and twist it around
and you give me a new name.

Thw week passed on pretty quickly, late night conversations and remembering past ones, made these days worth while. We've talked some, she's been incredibly busy at school, among other accidents, but still she let's me talk to her once in a while, things like that make my day.

Just feels good.

"WAITING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE"

Brazen is love's redeemer
When you have so far to go
It loves the true believer
For the innocence they own.

Life is good Life is grand
When you're sittin' on top of the world
Life is good when it's in your hands your hands
And nobody can change your world.

I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting.

All my prize possessions
That I thought I needed so
Dragged me down on a razor
With a heaviness they tow
always searching for a love that's in bloom
it's a warm and soft embrace
Hoping you'll never be lonely again
It's a fear that you just can't face.

I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting.

Life is good and life is grand
When you're sitting on top of the world
Life is good when it's in your hands your hands
And nobody can change your world.

I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting.

I'm just waiting, I'm just waiting,
I'm just waiting, I'm just waiting.

Tonic

"... friendly conversation..."

...i would give up my entire lifetime to be someone
who just passes him on the sidewalk...

... i would run in a heartbeat....but what makes it
feel right to me is the way HE is going about
it..making sure it is done right and in respect
towards all the things it will effect.

Courtney Rhea Mcraney

"WONDERFUL PAIN"

Where is this girl for whom I twist and turn?
Far away from certain space, I'll give in so much
just to se her face.

Until I fainally regain this promise made, finding
myself under a poring rain, acompaning me
with this wonderful pain.

Wonder and delight, where have I left this fright?
far behind and late last night, granted after
a kiss lit byt the pale moonlight.

Until I finally regain your pressence here, finding
myself falling like this again, underneath it all and
next to this wonderful pain.

Until I finally regain a past as far as lost, finding
my way back thanks to the rain, that washes over me
and this wonderful pain.

Pitch black dreams filled my crowded head,
as black as they may be I'd still
find a place,
somwhere.

Filling that space
with the nonsense that
fills my head.

Reorganize mu thoughts, give me
another place to talk about.

My wish, this dream, it takes me far away from this,
I'll share my thoughts to them as long as they tell, instead
of letting them
fill my head.

... I miss you... I trust you...

... I feel I have all my life to get to know you...

... miss me... trust me...

... feel that we've been actually waiting
for something good.

Leave me exhausted by your side, if I'm alowed I'll give
you as much as I can, as much as it matters, as much
as I can give, I'll try to please, try to ease as much of
your pain.

In your place, your own small piece of the world, I'll share
my own world piece of this world, to put them together
and build our own little wolrd.

A possibility built in your shape, you walk down and pass
my way, thinking of something we could play.

Take it all, theres nothing here I fear to lose, whatever
you can carry is yours, carry me, 'cus I'm already yours.

I think I believe this might be sweet for me, your beautiful face and your sweet, sweet kiss. I enjoy your conversation, a higher inspiration, you give me a certain motivation.

Are you afraid? If so just tell me your name,
remember that you're not alone and that you have
this lonely friend.

All this time and all this that I find, before things fall
apart, I wan't you to know, that there was nothing
I wouldn't try.

So change the color and change some plans,
thing might come sooner than we think. Build a possibility,
put out something less filthy, think of me in some better way.

Are you scared ? Please believe me when I say I care,
you take this heart of mine, you twist it around and give me
a better face.

Good news today... I got a job!!!!

Teaching english... I'm gonna have myown bitchy students =P

"RANDOM THOUGHTS THRU MY HEAD"

Some higher concern, of pennyless work and a heart oriented sojourn. Working myself up to her sight instead of ignoring the world and closing myself tight.

She says it all, embodies just as much, she's exactly what I've been yearning for.

-o-

She finally said it, a couple of days ago,
in her particular way to say, a sort of hit and run,
"te quiero..." the she logged off.

Things brighten all of a sudden and I start to look everytnight I find her inside,
someday soon we'll be side by side.

Sharing a little bit of this disorder,
she and I think we could be something better
than this perfect thing.

Someday soon, we'll walk side by side...

-o-

My thoughts revolve around her from the instant
the kiss was made, understanding most of it,
her lips were all I could see.

To sleep tonight and share this moonlit night,
somewhere as far away as I'm alowed, just to know
what it is to sleep tight.

Taking things as they come, I've actually learned to just let those thing that don't concern me pass, I'm thru taking care of other people's emotional problems, and It's about time I take care of mine, at least for a while... I need some "Me" time =D

The best moments of my day come out of the house, that's the main reason I'm looking for a job, another is to get enough money for me to leave for Spain and stay there a couple or weeks, probably more, I don't know, as long as I'm outta the house I feel fine. Home stress and the daily rutine sucks the life and spark outta you.

So I think I'll post later on when I can get all my thought into one clear idea, until I have something good to write...

Cheers

Quote of the day:

"Fighting for peace is like Screwing for Virginity"

I read it somewhere on another blog, I have no idea who's the author.

A smile apreciated for once, written words are all that's left after the distance settles in between us. Ina crowded way I look for new things for me to say and ways to stay by a Grace's side.

It's alway in someone's eyes, the
tireness of life,
a depression lifted only once in a while.

Complaining of car, traffic and old
unhealed scars,
injuries caused in a lonely fought war.

Streets still deveoured, if we didn't have names,
who would we be? Would we have still encountered?

I'm in no position to ask, but if you'll answer to
someone else then I'll wear they're mask.
I'll ust remember what you said today, in a groggy
morning surprise, you even asked me why.

Soon things will become just a little better, just talked to her again a earlier this afternoon and that cheered me up a lot, It was nice to see what she wrote in her last email and to have decent conversation with her again, I'ts always good to know from her.

The truth is, and it's pretty evident from what I write here, that I've been thinking a lot about her lately, just like she has, which is a nice pick-me-upper, kinda made my whole weekend her email and call.

"BREAK MY FALL"
(New Fall)

Falling without any grond bellow my feet,
I'll see you again and I admit that the rest is just gone,
walking from a self imposed dream, my life and my wish
again become one.

No need for a parachute or anything, if you're not there
to catch me I'm not worth catching at all.

Then if things just don't come along, I'll
just jump again for a new fall, just to hope that in one of those
you'll be there to break my fall.

Patience is a trait I carry around my head,
I can wait on the cliffside for another day, or you can just
jump with me instead.

Catching that small explosion of laughter you give,
a sweetened flashback of things before, and a memory
that came.

Then if things just don't fit together, I'll jump again
for a new fall, just to hope that i one of those you'll
be tehre to break my fall.

My smile apreciated for once, written words
are all that's left after the distance settles in
between us.

In a crowded way I look for new things for me to say
and ways to stay by Grace's side.

-o-

Ahhh, bloody sundays, who enjoys them?? I'm here sitting at home really just waiting for today to turn into tomorrow, I'm probably one of the very few people that prefer mondays over sundays, It's just the constant thought of "God, tomorrow I have togo back to work/school/whatever, damn!" Oh hell, life, right??

Take the What Color Dragon Should You Ride? Quiz

Made By: myway and teza

Take the Which Breakfast Food Are You? Quiz.


I love Pop tarts.

It's complicated to keep you for myself,
if I talk of you as much it's because you are desired,
from simple kisses and conversation to the feeling
of the like that destroyed empires.

For if castles crumble at the sight of a couple,
the pairness of love, no wonder our world crumbles.

So I take this change, just praying
for another day, to say things to blunt
and were left unspoken, to maybe feel again,
travel the skies and leave me again broken.

I'm willing to fly with you... are you?

So thing ARE looking up, been feeling much better, just needed to be by myself really, something that's incredibly complicated to do while you live with your parents, but well, I managed to get all that "me" time yesterday afternoon, everyone went out to celebrate Valentine's Day, while I stayed home and relaxed, God I needed that.

Other people helped as well, somewhat, whatever they could do from a distance, they're help is always much apreciated, Courtney for just going thru the exact same thing as me and being ther for a nice conversation, Daniela for just being as sincere as she is, and Isaín, blunt, hard to understand, doesn't explein shit, but he's there, thanks guys.

Who knows? I'm also been actually smiling and for real, just passing time, remembering some things from this last winter break, damn time is going by so fast, already in mid Feburary and I havent found a job, need to give me a nice ass wooping to pick up the pace.

Red: 8/100 Blue: 16/100 White: 14/100 Yellow: 7/100

Take the Color Code Test
by Dano

At least the weekends here, there'll be time for me to hang around some places I feel comfortable, corweded still by myself, do some real writing, pen in hand, notebook over table, some sort of caffenated or caffeine rich drink beside it, something good. Feels good to be alive right now, and I'll quote myself from a few months back:

"Here's to having a pulse!!!"

Just to get my motor going, I'm off for now, probably gonna post later today, cheers to all of you guys.

Bitchin' =D

So down today, all day thinking about her now, and tired of doing the same shit everyday... things should be looking up by now... they really should.

Oh damn, I think I'm in trouble, I think I'm falling in love again...

Strange, we talked last night and it was good, finally could just vent out and laugh about some things that were on my mind, we both agreed that it was good we talked, that it was about time we heard each other's voices, just for the fun of it all, cheered my day right up, my week as a matter of fact.

No today we talked thru messenger, for a few seconds, enough for me just to smile a bit longer, I had been thinking about her a lot this past week, even more since last night, I wrote like three poems just last night and this morning, felt pretty god about them, I thikn they're decent. Now when we caught up with eachother today she said something right before she left, something she does regularly, just leaves me hanging almost without a chance to reply "...I thought a lot about you today, I just wanted you to know that...", that impressed me, a smile appeared on my face again, feels good to hear people say those kinds of things, It's about time I start hearing them more, she just lit the fuse.

So basically just another day, actually complained about only one thing today, the fact that I'm writting much more on this blog than I am on my actual, real life, journal, pretty sad really, it feels nice when you finish a whole notebook.

So that's why I'll cut it short today, need time to do some real writting, need tonight just to chill out and inspire myself with my music, cheers to all that have come in and read my trash, I never thank you guys.

"SHOOTING STAR"

In the shape she walks along, moving on she can lose interestm still she sees it all. Southern girl by heart, she likes to see the world from so very high.

That's when she let's go and falls to the ground, but while she falls she ressembles a shooting star, one I decided to catch. I'll run by her side until I run out of breath, then I'll catch up with her again.

In the shape she sleeps to dream, images I give myself, imagination is let lose in dreams, a dram shared by two, only to see each other and see what comes along.

That's when I change the pictures on my wall, but while the fall they ressemble a shooting star of memories I've let go. I'll run by her side until we run out of breath, then I'll pick her up and take her home.

...It's not everyday you catch a shooting star, I'll just try to keep it for my own.

"ONCE AGAIN"

Waking up to the memory of last
nights event, a smile painted on my face,
in an instant the whole world changed.

... once again.

The thought of a dance and the world
spinning around us for a change, giving every
step a name, you and I give this world a
different name.

...once again.

Once again I was in the way of every stone
I left behind, they still raise they're head
and think It's about time that I fall dead
for my own crime.

So shutting my eyes for another rainy
nights dream, I lay awake and I wonder, why
am I out of place?, why can't that be me?

... once again.

Once again I was on my way back home,
running against all these stones that I threw,
who still think It's about time that I fall dead
for my own crime.

I really came looking for home, you just happened to be there all along, doing nothing 'cus you only had an image of me from far away dance and me being my lonesome self.

Thinking of an impossible event,
other than myself.

So the streets and rains erased each others names, years had to pass for circumstances to collapse, to meet up again, introduced for a second time, and something cilcked inside.

Imagining an impossible event,
to change life,
something other than being left behind.

Writting on threads thinner than life,
all I can do is wait and wish that this time I do it right.

Keep holding down on my heart,
ignore the preassure,
you do more good than you can ever imagine.