"Something Like Grace"

All's hell again, trying to find a reason for me being how I am, probably just a phase, probably just today, but I'm miserable. Melancholic, not depressed, just down, need that change before everything falls apart again, I'll have to put everything back up again.

And so days go by, pretty fast as a matter of fact, I'm surprised I just noticed a couple of days ago a close my 22nd birthday is, God, 22 years.

Trying to undo these past four years, trying to fit everything in one winter, where everything could've been perfect if it had been sooner, if it had been longer, if I had kissed her. (again).

Cheers go out to her name, she knows who she is, I'll write this in a way so that no one else confuses herself with whom I'm talking about, her name already known, and her nickname that I don't like to use, so I'll use her name, It could might as well be translated into "Grace".

It's a shame really, It happens continuosly, I log in in hopes that "someone is going to hollywood", and why? No one really seems to have anything interesting to talk about, surprising me everytime with some witty joke, or simple pun, she always seems to make me laugh, or at least truly smile, what few people have been able to do lately. She's been doing it almost daily, the days she is absent I just write about her some more, impressed as I am of her, I'm not allowing myself to fall for her until I know for sure, that the possibility is there, and that we will have the chance to work upon that.

So her name could be translated to "Grace"... maybe that's exactly what I need right now.

"You only need a minute too fall in love, you have the rest of your life to get to know her". That one is actually mine, and it appliespretty well, to where I am right now, not letting myself believe in it too much, but still pushing a little this way so we could see each other some day. Taking care of what I say, taking care of I find out, trying to ignore what I'm not gonna enjoy an dI end up enjoying it all, every word, coma, period, etc's, she's good at talking thru a medium that does not enable eye contact, so I rely on only words, pretty much as I have been for the past five years, taking my time really, going at the pace time allows, as slow as I can, I'm in no hurry to go anywhere except just out of this place.

So I'm not sure If I want to end up with her, I'm sure I don't LOVE her still, that'll be hard to do after everything that has happened to me and how little time we actually had, but, sure as hell, I want to try, at least I know how far I'm willing to go. So It's something like Grace, probably not a saving grace, she's not out to save anyone, she's more into getting to know the world, she already knows how smal the world really is, but I've already mentioned that before, she's just something like a Grace, a shot of light out there just waiting to be found, or itself looking for some shadow to shine upon, she sure as hell took some shadows of my face, a little less preassure in my day.

She's just something like a Grace...


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