So, what happens if I still have this childish mentality that the person that I admire the most is inmortal, my father, could he ever die? These questions have come up just recently, a death already ocurred, a friend of mine lost his father in a most tragic way, yet a death is never far enough for it not to affect you, so this opened my eyes, made me see my dad as what he really is, a father, a man, mortal.

But how could he be? I'm beginning to grow in ways I don't like but have to accept, thought I could just win over things like death by simply ignoring them, my friend is just a couple years younger than me and he already lost his rolemodel, what will happen to me when I lose mine?. He's the only role model I have.

Being at the service and things that come with the death of someone made me realize that I don't wan to be in such a position as my friend, I don't want to be surrounded by people that keep saying the same thing, it doesn't help, all I want is to be left alone, probably 'cus 've been like that for most of the time. It's not hard for me to explein, simply I dont wan to see people that are gonna remind me of the deceased, I just wish that, when that time comes, I'll be left alone to do what I do best.

I'm just thinking about death, because death just appeared close to me, almost saw it's face, didn't turn away at all, am I not as scared of dying as I am scared of watching people around me die?.

Probably...