This is Insomnia

   Unable to sleep on probably the day I should be sleep the most. Woke up a minute ago and I'm not sure if actually been asleep or just thinking too much. Doesn't feel like I was sleeping though.

   For me, insomnia is when my head works on It's own long before my body decides to shut down. I'm laying there in bed literally about to doze off when I head comes up with a thought or a memory, from here there starts a chain reaction that if a I don't end it soon and abruptly it can go on for hours. It can be anything, it could be a thing, a person, a name, a situation; things that happen to me years ago; today or things that have never happened at all. It could come from expecting too much or to little; it can come from a half drunken headache or from nothing at all; from saying too much or never saying a word.

   I toss and turn, find a comfortable position and just try to forget whatever my head is conjuring up. I try to imagine just "blackness" and sometimes it works; I paint an imaginary black canvas and put over my eyes to sort of wash away the images my head is projecting on the inside walls of my eyelids; theres no real way to shut it off or turn the volume down.

   My eyes are heavy and my body is almost numb but I cannot sleep... this will kill me in the morning.