How can I do this to myself again, for someone as far away as her, could she believe in the resolute urgency of what is NOW? What I look for in someone I have found back home, never have I been dissapointed in my returns to that cold, gray beautiful desert plane, for she enjoys the the coudy weather as much as I, as rainy and cold as It can get, we enjoy the melancholic picture of cold grey days.

And of those so very few that came before, she pushes a little bit harder, to go and do things I'm not acostumed to do, and with that fly to some far away place, to spend time, to talk about things that trigger our minds, It can be comfortable, the way I'm used to things, I'm good at them this way.

She's something else though, you couldn't if you saw her, no, not until I talked to her, how excited I am about meeting a girl like that, she's just something else.

Walking again to a farther possibility, things fall into place yet I'm still grounded
in these streets. Falling behind what I want, what I've been offered and what
I intend to understand.

So I find something else as special, I saw it from the start in that cold wait
outside, introduced for a second time, a past so far behind I couldn't remember
that previous line.

And so I pray for a succesful trip, flying above the world, things tend to fall down
from such a distance above.
So I look for a higher Grace, but just realized that God got locked away.


Going off from her tongue, lips as sweet, only a second kiss was done, leaving
the taste of a somewhat closer future that may come, or might leve me behind,
either way, I'm not falling without a fight.

"SO MUCH SPACE"

And here you have me, trying to sum up a feeling that I dont believe, in a place so somber, that colors run away to find something better. The shadows walk at my pace, they tell me of wicked stories and of those far away people, they steal my soul and in return I recieve they're indiference.

I can run but I still cannot find so much space to go thru, I have not been able to place those places that hide the shadows while they sleep.

Look, for I can find every kind of tale I tell and I become one more of those that fall and restart- So keep all the lights on, in this much space I cant see in the dark, images blur and look like written lies.

But I go on writting, filling my pages with constant lies inspired by words that fall from a cloudy sky. And so I begin to see so much space that I have here, I better make use of it to build, with so much space my confidence I can give, with so much space.

"What will become of me when I'm all poured out..."

David J. Matthews

"Something Like Grace"

All's hell again, trying to find a reason for me being how I am, probably just a phase, probably just today, but I'm miserable. Melancholic, not depressed, just down, need that change before everything falls apart again, I'll have to put everything back up again.

And so days go by, pretty fast as a matter of fact, I'm surprised I just noticed a couple of days ago a close my 22nd birthday is, God, 22 years.

Trying to undo these past four years, trying to fit everything in one winter, where everything could've been perfect if it had been sooner, if it had been longer, if I had kissed her. (again).

Cheers go out to her name, she knows who she is, I'll write this in a way so that no one else confuses herself with whom I'm talking about, her name already known, and her nickname that I don't like to use, so I'll use her name, It could might as well be translated into "Grace".

It's a shame really, It happens continuosly, I log in in hopes that "someone is going to hollywood", and why? No one really seems to have anything interesting to talk about, surprising me everytime with some witty joke, or simple pun, she always seems to make me laugh, or at least truly smile, what few people have been able to do lately. She's been doing it almost daily, the days she is absent I just write about her some more, impressed as I am of her, I'm not allowing myself to fall for her until I know for sure, that the possibility is there, and that we will have the chance to work upon that.

So her name could be translated to "Grace"... maybe that's exactly what I need right now.

"You only need a minute too fall in love, you have the rest of your life to get to know her". That one is actually mine, and it appliespretty well, to where I am right now, not letting myself believe in it too much, but still pushing a little this way so we could see each other some day. Taking care of what I say, taking care of I find out, trying to ignore what I'm not gonna enjoy an dI end up enjoying it all, every word, coma, period, etc's, she's good at talking thru a medium that does not enable eye contact, so I rely on only words, pretty much as I have been for the past five years, taking my time really, going at the pace time allows, as slow as I can, I'm in no hurry to go anywhere except just out of this place.

So I'm not sure If I want to end up with her, I'm sure I don't LOVE her still, that'll be hard to do after everything that has happened to me and how little time we actually had, but, sure as hell, I want to try, at least I know how far I'm willing to go. So It's something like Grace, probably not a saving grace, she's not out to save anyone, she's more into getting to know the world, she already knows how smal the world really is, but I've already mentioned that before, she's just something like a Grace, a shot of light out there just waiting to be found, or itself looking for some shadow to shine upon, she sure as hell took some shadows of my face, a little less preassure in my day.

She's just something like a Grace...

So, what happens if I still have this childish mentality that the person that I admire the most is inmortal, my father, could he ever die? These questions have come up just recently, a death already ocurred, a friend of mine lost his father in a most tragic way, yet a death is never far enough for it not to affect you, so this opened my eyes, made me see my dad as what he really is, a father, a man, mortal.

But how could he be? I'm beginning to grow in ways I don't like but have to accept, thought I could just win over things like death by simply ignoring them, my friend is just a couple years younger than me and he already lost his rolemodel, what will happen to me when I lose mine?. He's the only role model I have.

Being at the service and things that come with the death of someone made me realize that I don't wan to be in such a position as my friend, I don't want to be surrounded by people that keep saying the same thing, it doesn't help, all I want is to be left alone, probably 'cus 've been like that for most of the time. It's not hard for me to explein, simply I dont wan to see people that are gonna remind me of the deceased, I just wish that, when that time comes, I'll be left alone to do what I do best.

I'm just thinking about death, because death just appeared close to me, almost saw it's face, didn't turn away at all, am I not as scared of dying as I am scared of watching people around me die?.

Probably...

"HOLY WATER"

She gave me her name and I took it ignoring the blame, of past pleasurable sins where I could've slipped your skin.

Artificial dance sparked from lights that strike the floor, I sit here alone surrounded by poeple I'de rather not care to know.

Theres only this that holds my thoughts, a conversation of sorts that showered me when I was in drought.
Clinging to every drop as if it mattered, for what she gave to me is holy water.

Thinking faster as of now, an imagery of stones walked upon in a past so far now gone.

Wishing for a true dance that might strike, so I sit here alone, all I do is remember, then I'll just turn and go.

Theres only this that holds my thoughts...

"SILENT"

If everynight gives me her body in a dream,
still I wouldn't be contenmpt,
Who wants to dream when you can find the
better thing?
Her warm still body, asleep and silent.

If my return home gives me her body for the first time,
still I wouldn't be contempt,
not until circumstances crumble and circles turn into
a straight road.
Walking hand in hand, nothing to say, we stay silent.

Again I throw away the hurt, beside this well known road,
don't speak a word and kiss me by your bedroom door.

If wild skies all around give me her body for the first time,
still I wouldn't be contempt,
not until these skies belong to us, for us to control.
A backlash of possibilities I find where I was once silent.

Again I throw away my hurt, beside this well known road,
don't speak a word and kiss me by your bedroom door.

The same old feelings start sinking in,
a late meeting means an unlikely possibility.

Another shame, for instance today,
missed you by the thickness of a breeze.

So I'll pack up and go, It's that time again,
so I'll burn the candles once more and let the smoke
take my place, until I come around back again.

At the third act of this event you came on,
soon to begin was my final stretch of road fro me to take on.

A near future encounter, a planned trip to this country´s center...
... I certainly hope you come along.

So I'll pack up and go, It's that time again, so I'll pick
up the ashes that burned, save them to give them to you,
when I come around back again.

A sudden posibility for another day, an incentive
for me to try and stay another day.

I'll do what I can, to learn your names, and give
me some words so I can stand.

This only makes me sink a bit slower,
another day for me, another night for
torture.

I take this sudden blow again and I celebrate
your intelligence and beauty where I stand.

She impressed me, wearing just blue jeans
and no make up, just perfect.

It could have been so comfortable, you so
far away and me staying closer to myself.

She then remembered me at a certain celebration,
black suit, tie and white converse, afterwards she left
elsewhere to some fair and other concerns.

She then remembered...

"THE LIES OF A SMILE"

Unrelentless pride, for once you could not
break me with the lies of a smile.

You talked about what you thought was right, the
change lightens life up, to walk again side by side
on top of clouds and everyone else's thoughts.

But for once turned down, strange now my
problems are felt farther down.

You wronged what once was right, now you want
your love to be something for me to fight for.

With your unrelentless disputes, of universal
chaos and how mistakes can be outspoken,
I take heed from a newer chase, a sudden warmer
embrace.

You should've swallowed your pride, either
way I'd still see the lies of your smile.

When everybody is the same, the outside
world is a God damn shame.

...our love was comfortable and, so broken in,
she's perfect, so flawless, or so they say...

Excerpt from John Mayer's "Comfortable"

If I drink water as much as wine, does that
restrain me from the wisdom of a drunk man
tonight.

To late for me to call, just far enough for me
to stall for as long as my need might have.

So I waiver one more time my chance to fall
by her side, she kept insisting that I'll will.

Whatever love, I don't care for your body
anymore.
Whatever love, I don't care fo your love
anumore.

Something of blur,
if things went wrong I souldn't start to care.
A reapeting light and a sudden blur,
people that ressemble a face so pure.

Lights from a sudden shadow,
new names to ponder and ignore,
this teaches me of a tasteful swallow
and a safe shore to explore.

And if a buzz gives me a new name to learn,
just give me a little more time to explore,
a possibility to implore, on something like
a new name to call and to learn.

If these years were as rough,
forget the years apart and share a different thought.
A fog as misty, beyond it what I've always sought
(but in my mind fought),
the people that ressemble a face so rare,
in this misty fog.

And if a buzz gives me a new name to learn,
just give me a little more time to explore,
a possibility to implore, on something like
a new name to call and to learn.

"ANOTHER WAY"

I run past these colder streets, cutting
thru the madness of this city far from
the sea.

Secrets have already been known, bealiving
whatever words we say to stay another day
the same.

Of these people that lived around me, only
Adam and Eve complained about me when I
moved down the street.

So run down another way, this
way is too crowded for you to
come along.
So run down another way, the
line to get into heaven is way too
long.

Friends from a whole different border, we
ignore our racial madness in hopes we find
order.

Fantastic interaction between friends,
secrets and fiends show what our hearts
intend.

So run down another way, this
way is too crowded for you to come
along.
So we'll run down our own way,
'cus the wait to get into heaven is way
too long.

Remember something new,
these things tend to break,
a bird that flew,
you're memory seems to leak.

A late night misused moon,
a midnight fading dream.
Someone is howling like a loon,
give me a reason to let you speak.

Concerning some sort of law,
I hunt down my own despair.
When my hands turn to paws,
with these I try to find other affairs.

Finding a chilled way to say,
that things can always change.
Finding that road that gave me away,
a flying bird that gave me your name.

Backyard night time dream,
another alternative for something new.
Just sing a new song to me,
you can be one of the so very few.

Thinking the way I didn't,
a memory stirs inside my head.
Like when I'm set before the kick,
I stand around and take it all instead.

"STOP TO SEE"
(Stoplight)

In wait, in a mid cold, ignoring the memories
and those tales of old. The stoplight my only
source of sight, the green, red and yellow
signs of my life.

Stop to see, the light chages on me again,
I hurry to make up for the lost and the time
I was left behind.

In wait, an appointment foretold, a table
and a chair, a cup of coffee that could make
our conversation pleasent and fair, interrupted
only by the stoplight and it's sudden flare.

Stop to see, the weather changes on me again,
so I hurry to make up for those lost souls we
left behind.

"AS OF RIGHT NOW"

So the year passed and I survived, I don't feel
fully alive just yet, probably only half as dead.

...much better than last, as of right now,
another shadow over my face has passed,
I don't feel half as dead as of right now...

You can save me today, or just take one
more of this cat's lives, you can also be my
saving grace, holding that smile that cast
from up high.

...much more awake than last, as of right now,
another shadow has left my face, I don't feel
half as dead, as of right now...

You can keep me awake today, or leave me
at home for me to rest, you can also be a brighter
grace, holding that thought with a light laid upon
you from up high.

Theres something here again, your pressence
starts sinking in, edges so rough you and me
I think we could fit quite nicely.

Weeks trickle into days, my time with you
is less than a few hours and seconds away.

We already meassure the world by the mark
we have made, a world as small, nothing is made
too strange.

Hide the things you're scared to show,
bring your thoughts around and rearrange them
with my own.

Hide the scars that still bleed,
bring your heart around, stay close to me
and I'll give you my air to breath.

Just don't turn back, you'll know when It's time
to talk about background memories and all our moments
of peace...

...all the while I'm just wondering if I'm
allowed to see you in my sleep.

Ignoring the things you've tried to hide,
I'll bring myself around and show you theres
so much I'd like to try.

Healing the scars that might show,
I'll bring myself around and show you that youre
not alone.

... I'm here if you want to...

You should might as well whisper, I'd still
hear your words, as far as I am supposed to go
where words travel slower, It's a completely different
world.

For if I am called a saint I might as well call you
a god, for without worship I write something like
a psalm fo you every day and every night.

Impressed as I'd like to be, my pressence here
is only that of a passer by, concerning only the flight
that will let me flee I can only turn around and say
goodbye.

And so I turn my back to the world I used to know.

Interrupting inspiration, a fleeting glimpse of that
sought fo emotion, of the oldest wish, more even
than you and I, a wish I'd like granted tonight.

...but I can only turn around and say goodbye.

And so I turn my back on the world I used to know,
once more.

All of these raindrops that fall on your heart,
just so you know, that high above the world
they turn into crystals of snow.

Tossing and turning, nightmares fill my head,
these rhymes and reasons that I give don't change
the things that were said.

Growing deeper scars thatn these,
sufficing my pains I take any shot to the heart
with ease.

The lights make shadows, a darkness I abide in time,
my constant company in sorrow has it's own lighter
and beatiful side.

I'm ignoring these confrontations,
telling myself these come from lighter jokes
and not something violent and with intimidation.

Growing blodier wounds than this,
knowing of things that are better and know there are
worse messes than this.

Pouring myself full, angels never ignored me before
at heaven's door, a heaven that was closed for me
without knowing what these sins intend.

Dying like a spoiled brat , see me in a different
way, stronger minds need somewhere to go, I just
look to fall in the hands of some angel.

Hestating on another prayer
I come upon another person to play the drummer
and fill my head with something other than doubt.

Covering something other than my various shades of gray,
painting with another color and keeping from breaking and staying
just to keep on dreaming.

A days wait from home, an easy walk, a stroll & I'm left alone. Wondering in the dark of sudden events, some promises that I felt were meant.
A walking distance from home, a change of weather and I'm singing a brand new tune. Writing in the shade of a peaceful wait, a promise that shows some change.

It's all starting again, my attitude changes towards a better day, a touch that she gave might make this all change. But nothing is going to change my world another love that will leave everyone else misunderstood.

A days wait from home, an easy walk & a nice drive to be left alone, a dark corner under a shade, you & I will kiss to live another day...
...you & I will find a comfortable place to stay.

I see your shadow on the street, in my dreams I see you push across the door, and your shoes on the concrete, why are you over there when I need you here? My happiness is slowly creeping back, right now you're in my home, and already it's sinking in, even though we're far away we've opened each other's hearts hearts already, and found that not everyone out there is out to hurt us, not everyone out there is out to stone us.

So I hear the whispers of our silent conversation, quiet but as strong as words of mouth.

If only... last summer, if only we had met then you would've saved me from so much trouble while I was there, so much hassle, if only...

"CARELESS"

I'm feeling free and careless,
Who can fly? Above all others and say,
that some things are better left behind,
and some are sweet enough to keep in
mind.

Having a crystal clear view,
of what I'm looking for back home,
an embrace that can scare the hard chill,
and some other feelings that her kiss
might instill.

We'll see what we can find, being careless and free,
with these we find, some feeling people say we should bind,
but being careless and free, going out of our way, to find
ourselves in freedom to speak.
Of all we've already said, of the things we intend, of those
you already made to yourself, just remember me there
whenever you need a little help.

People will stare and they will share they're opinions,
you and me will not be worrying, what's the point of it
all if we wont be enjoying.

I'm feeling free and careless,
Who can tell? If the things we do,
should be better left behind, you and me
know some are sweet enough to keep in
mind.

Having a crystal clear view,
of what I'm fighting for back home,
an smile that can scare the hard chill,
and some other feelings that her kiss
might instill.

For Isela García Barraza

"WELCOMING ACT"

Driving somewhere just to a far away place, stuck inside a thought of home
and a welcoming act with friends, drinking, eating, laughing then I'm done
I'm living to ride, a new road down all the way, but why do I always end up
at home, have I got a disease that gets me when I'm gone?
Everybody seems a stranger in danger of something that just might not be
larger, still they need to feel stronger somehow.

But I just thought it be good to know, what places you've seen, all the things
you've caught, and all the places you want to end up.

But I'm still lost in a thought of a welcoming act between friends and those
that might be fiends, I still don't know what she intends.

Driving out there, to an opened up space, stuck inside a stuffed cardboard box
longing for a cold, and an old welcoming place.
I'm breathing to find, a new air on my way up, but I always end up gasping
for the smoke filled air of my place up north.
Everybody seems a stranger in danger of something that just might not be
larger, still I feel can be stronger with you somehow.

She's making me think about her too much. : )

Collectivity just stands there while speaking as little as possible, she goes away and everyone is left with they're words still in they're mouths, personally, I've lost attention and I'm moving on to talk about other things. Doing and being something different sometimes means your going to be lonely for most of the time, in these days everyone's detached, yet most of them are exactly the same. Well I'm sorry for being as punctual as I am, people get here late and I end up alone while I wait, where is everyone?

"...everyone here hides shades of shame..." that's how the song goes, and I haven't done that in a while, I've not had reason for shame, and whatever shame there is deep inside my skin, too far inside for me to start worrying about it.

Little has happened lately, been taking it easy these past few days and it's been on purpose, lounging for what might be a very turbulent trip back home, there are people that are expecting me, everyone with different ambitions towards me. Meeting this person I talk with as much, she stepped across my own crossroad, I really didn't have a clear idea on what direction to take, either one is as good as the other, but that feeling of doubt always persists, "If I walk down this road, what am I missing down the other three?" Sometimes I ask myself what would've happened if I never left home? A really idiotic question really, seeing what I've done here, what I've done here was accomplished by so few others, so in a way I've made a name for myself, and some people are labeling me as a "Near-Myth", just because I got my ass out of the hole and got myself out of this continent for two months, hell I was surprised I managed to do what I did.

Anyway, heres to having a pulse!! These people around me seem to lack it.

You know, I hesitate to say, that my words actually make someone feel better, these are to personal to actually help someone as far away as the people who read them, but as I was hesitating I found it was the other way around, they're not much, just my random thoughts and trying to put them into these words, characters, bits and bytes, they end up being nothing much but something to read.

But my friend, "Mississippi" and "Snow Angels" were written for her, she understands what I write about, we're actually going thru situations so similar it's crazy, almost scary. She's one of the best.

Thanks Courtney


"LOOP HOLES"

I've been praying for cold, and a reason for me not to
feel this old.
People pass by me daily, unchanged, winded up
enough to self implode.
Rhyming and always giving a reason, people are to
they're own little treasons.

I'm finding a loop hole in a script written for a different person,
someone I probably wasn't supposed to meet, and going against
nature, a chance is taken, if I destroy this universe I'll just watch
the earth crumble beneath my feet. I'll be feeling afraid soon.

I've writing a storyboard of bad movies, lifetimes again
pass by me without noticing.
People are dead inside, getting in line for another day,
I'll fall behind just to follow my own way.
Grazing a ground that's already dead, I'm following a new
stream of water back the way I came.

Finding loop holes in in a storyboard of a different person,
a promise of a rendezvous at home, and going against all
that is known, a chance is taken, If I destroy the universe
I'll just watch, I'll watch the earth crumble below. Until there is none.

Thinking of Isela

¡¡¡¡Here's to having a Pulse!!!!

Hahahaha =P

So I've met someone, she's still very far away but the feelings are as mutual as they come, theres interest in between, tastes that are common and hopes that are as close to being equals that they are almost one. A friend gave way to this meeting, talks about some indecent behavior, and later turning serious and more skinned down, the basics of telling each others' feelings, they are the same.

Strange occurrences really, she's young, If she weren't as smart as she is, if she weren't as strong as I've seen I don't believe I'd really feel this way, beautifully described, strongly written, her attitude towards people is as fierce as her words.

I've felt inspired since I've met, this girl, from a far away home, my home.

Musician, strong, cultured, so intelligent, beautiful, interested, feelings so mutual, I'll let my guard down so she can see my face, war scars and all, I'm not ashamed of them anymore, they're there and someone has to take them away. She's as hurt from this as I am, her "tough as a rock" her attitude says that, It's as strong as the rocks we stand on, she is one of the strongest girls I've met, It's like I said when I met her, "She's got more balls than most Guys I know".

And I'm going to step out, I know that, we're going to meet, I just hope my feelings make me talk of what I should and not back out, neither of us need something like that, she needs someone to make her see not all of us "Dumb Males" are the same, and I just need to know that, at least, one girl out there is not out to hurt me. And so I wrote something for her, in Spanish and added to this medium, added now for future reference and check up, after everything that needed to happen happened.. if that makes sense at all.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

No se, tal vez esté delirando ,
puede que esté caminando con los ojos
cerrados, pero acabo de encontrar a alguien que
los tiene abiertos.

Una sonrisa imaginada que interrumpe mi respiración,
cada vez que la encuentro me despierta la inspiración.

No se, tal vez esté soñando.
Hace tiempo que no dormía tranquílo y
largo, pero es un sueño del que no quiero
despertar.

Y si estoy loco, loco me quiero quedar,
te dedicaré las palabras, cada palabra de tí
es sagrada, ninguna palabra se desperdicia.
Y si estoy loco, loco me quiero morir,
lo que es mío es tuyo y con lo que quieras
te puedes quedar.

No se, tal vez esté imaginando,
pero aquí puedo seguir caminando y sin
tropezar, mi último camíno que recorrí
te decidiste cruzar.

Para Isela García Barraza, una autoproclamada
"Angel Negra".

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

And so I'm dry for today.

So she id it again, the bitch called me up again and said what she needed to say, she sounds confused, lost, and a whole other strange sentimental feelings, and I still dont know If I care ir not, she started talking about "us" again and I almost screamed at her to shut up, I couldn't stay put, that damn girl knows how to push my buttons and she seems to know exactly when to do it.

FUCK!!! So damn helpless, teh day when I had the most lovely conversation with another girl, one from afar, another even closer by, neother made a difference 'cus she had to have the last word of the night, ugh!!! I don't know if I should hate her or just ignore it and still go home, even though I know I'm gonna see her, this jsut seems so strange to me right now, I'm more out of place tha I used to be, I wasn't on top yet, and I was far from the bottom, she just pushed me back down again.

"SOMETIMES"

I can be a killer like you, stop tempting me and I
promise I'll come out clean too.
You seem to know when, do you even know what
I've been going thru?
Inappropriate times, truthfulll requests? You talk
of who I was but I only see who I've become.

'Cus sometimes I can be as heartless as you were,
turning your back to me you left me for dead.
'Cus sometimes I can even see where you are,
sleeping and crawling still unaware of what you are.

I can be a killer like you, leaving you behind
so I could find a little room for me to breath.
You seem to know how to push, leave me to die
again and I'll show you what you left behind.
Inapropriate times, truthfull requests? You speak
of who I was, let tell you about what I've become.

Heartless and incosiderate to your requests,
dark and gloomy I pass all you pityfull tests.
Head down always wondering what will become of this?
Giving someone else these lips you once kissed.

'Cus sometimes I could do what any other man would do,
ignore the las one and learn a new move.
'Cus sometimes I can be youre new man,
thick as a brick and hard to understand.
'Cus sometimes I can still see where you are,
sleeping and crawling unaware of what yo are.

"COMMON MAN"

He let's down his guard to come home, every hero
needs a place where he can lay down.
He's fighting the daily grind of life, giving us a chance
to walk by ourselves, he teaches us to fight.

He's no superman, he's a common man, he's an everyday
man just walking along, giving me a road, he's no superman
he's a common man.

Everyday life is catching up with all, he shows his
years, his life is close to unbelievable.
He's a common man with his own war, the day he
said I had made better things is the day I can call,
myself.

He's no superman, he's a common man, he's an everyday
man, giving me a road to walk along, he's no superman,
he's a common man.

He's no superman, he's a common man, he can walk just
farther, down the road we walk along, he's no superman,
he's my father.

Dedicated to my dad. My very own Superman.

I've been had, why would I fib about something I didn't do? I'm going crazy and accepting insanity as it comes, I don't mind it anymore, I'm probably putting a welcome mat for it when it arrives, I'm supposed to be a bit more improvised than I am right now, I'm becoming predictable, my writing is becoming predictable, my thoughts are going slow enough to actually grasp with my own hand, the bad thing It's nothing interesting enough to write about.

I don't complain about not having any answers to give most of the time, I find that a better thing than knowing everything, I enjoy seeing myself looking for them and tripping over people that knew everything else before me. I don't mind being as empty sometimes, looking for someone to fill me up is interesting journey, as winding and rocky is it may be. I never said a kiss is a contract signed in blood, you give as much as you want, I lost nothing last night, and you got what you wanted.

So I've just came back from my self imposed therapy, basically consisting of getting as far away from everything I already know or am common with, and It worked, I'm still a bit slow to act but I'm speeding up already and getting somewhere, I'm getting myself out of here at least, I'll take a break whenever I get somewhere else.

I'm am completely convinced I was born in the wrong country, beautiful as it is I feel myself seeing always a bit more north, I don't have hate towards them as other here do, I find that they're some of the most grateful people I've met, some of my best friends are there, and I'm meeting more and more.

I'm leaving this place soon, like I said, I don't belong here, and I'm already looking at places that might welcome me, people that might give me they're time, friends. Northern Mexico, New Orleans, even Greece and Australia seem possible places I might end up right now, things are looking up, I better not look down any time soon, I might hesitate and fall.

I need to get outta this place, I just got here and I want to leave.

Aparently I'm a lethal weapon, I'm probably more dangeraous than I think, hehehe. I took this test on www.emode.com

Lethal Weapon

You're smart, slick, and fast. You break rules. You start trends. MTV wants to interview you. You love loud, obnoxious parties where you can let it all hang out. No structure, please. You hate routine and boring, predictable people. You get cabin fever if you're cooped up too long — say, five minutes or so. But you adapt to new situations as smooth as butter. Well, maybe chunky peanut butter.

You're open-minded, enthusiastic, and popular with both people and pets. Sure, you had bad hair in high school, but now you've got style. Everyone wants to be your friend. They buy you drinks and give you nicknames. But at home, late at night with the shades pulled down, you secretly question your self-worth, wondering if you're really all you're cracked up to be. Then you go to bed.

You hate seeing the same old faces at work day after day. But at the same time, you're a great leader among them. You're motivated and serious, and you always jump at the chance to take on a new project. Innovation and abstract thinking are your strengths. But sometimes you'd rather just work on an independent project so you can do your stuff without having to deal with people.

"KILLING SPREE"

A new road ahead, music in my ears I'm walking
against all my fears. A floor as my bed, hardly
sleeping, I spend time with friends instead.

Killing sprees of a mad man threaten my way back
home, instead I stay close by to friends and stories
and forget for once my far away home.

A feeling to write about, things already forgotten,
you and I were speaking out loud. These trees as a
roof, keep us from the cold and far from danger.

You're feelings are understood.

Killing sprees of a mad man threaten my way back
home, instead you and me share what we feel, so we
don't feel alone.

"MISSISSIPPI"

I'm seeing another world today,
a land of rivers, swamps and mosquito bites.
Mississippi running thru her veins,
a land sun by some Alabama kings.

To far away to even ask, to tag along and leave
this place without feeling alone.
A friend made is a friend kept, she shares
what I have, something interesting could be
if we met.

And I let my problems down, for
a second and another day, just to find a heart
in need and save myself for another day.

Sinking deep within, a cold imagined, I wish
I could find another way.
Born where I don't belong, chasing a home
far away from hell.

I'm looking fro another face today,
a land of wars, a past and history.
Mississippi running thru her veins,
a friend in writing and sins.

"SNOW ANGEL"

A cold awaited is a wait forgotten, distance
out place a change of weather so sudden.
Leaning against the sun, the bright
morning light wakes me up.

An interest found, some words come by my way, If I
somewhere else I'd feel out of bounds.
With a promise I gave to a far away friend,
I let fall my anger, and made her a snow angel.

A tune accompanied is a song sung in good
company, of friends better than any.
Leaning against the sun, the cold
dark chill left long ago.

Her interests found, a wish come my way, a
complete change of weather leads to another day.
With a promise I gave to far away friend,
I'll let fall my anger, and make her a snow angel.

Dedicated to Courtney,I still don't know her last name, I think
It's Hippie =D

"SI TAN SOLO PUDIERA"

Si tan solo pudiera romper tu nombre en un grito mi voz desesperada clamaria hasta romperse,
hasta saber que has quedado en el olvido como un retrato vacio,
como una estatua de sal que se desmorona con el viento
si tan solo pudiera arrancarte de mi pensamiento,
de borrar de mi mente toda imagen tuya,
de correr hasta que huya de este amor tan grande que siento...

Yenlai Chee García

In the middle of everything but my own,
I've run out of everything there is to know.
Here I go again and my head is spinning.
out of control, and every time she goes out
looking, theres something new she's finding.

I've tried to give way to other people's feelings,
while ignoring my own, I end up ignoring my things.
Drifting away, I turn around a newer corner,
things shift and slip and I find myself growing older.

And there it goes, my innocence, already lost
I thought I could still hang on to It's ghost.
But it walked away, my innocence, already gone,
I prayed that it stayed and left you alone.

But I'm falling back, finding my place in the world,
Looking up at the clouds in he sky, finding shapes
and even more.
Remember when we almost gave up on each other?
Before you ever came there was no other.

"M"
(Little Things)

You like to wake up late
and you just never cared what everyone said.
You never cared about your weight,
but somehow you always managed to look great.
You had your favorite red shoes,
you walked away while everyone waited for their cues.

It's all those little things you did, is what hurt the most.
It's all those little things you did, that I wanted back.
And It's the way you are, that always made me want you
even more.
And all the time I thought you were gone, all the while you
never left.

With all the things you wanted to feel,
you always kept inside, to know I always had to kneel.
It's the way you always smiled,
that made me just want you even more.

You had you're favorite red shoes,
and you walked away leaving everyone waiting they're cue.

Remembering an old friend, Austin just seems to far away.

Y si contrasto igual que ayer, no dejes de ver que que yo aquí
insisto sin perder. Si no soy como otros fueron, te puedo ofrecer más
de lo que otros te dieron. No te doy los mundos o las estrellas,
todas ellas ya tienen dueños.

Y si comprendo mejor mañana, no dejes de hablar de tí mientras
estés allá. Si te aparezco conocído, descubre todos aquellos
secretos que he escondido. No te esconderé mis palabras o mis nombres,
te escribiré mientras no estés.

Y si no recorro este camíno ahora, ¿Por qué no me esperas un día?
Estaré ahí mañana. Si no me reconoces así, es porque el camíno me ha
cambiado desde que salí. No me defraudes y deja que las posibilidades corran
para ver si así entiendes.

Es un día más aquí bajo la rutína,
y es otro atardecer más allá en el desierto.
Si el próximo año resulta mejor
que el ya pasado, espero sobrevivir al
año nuevo.
Cansado de ver todos los días pasar,
me enseño a sujetar todos los momentos
mientras pasan.

Pero tengo a todos mis amígos aquí,
las caricias me las comparten y yo
sigo sensible, su compañía siempre
es bienvenída pero el beso de un amante
es extrañada.

Y es una noche más aquí bajo las nubes,
y apenas está amaneciendo en el desierto.
Espero que el próximo año sea mejor que
este fin de semana, busco encontrar razón
para sobrevivir.
relajado por ver el sol esconder,
ahora no dejo pasar cada momento
sin disfrutar.

Pero tengo todas mis razones aquí.
los momentos te cambian y cada vez
piensas mal, la compañía de un amígo
es bienvenída, pero el beso de un amante
me deja descansar.

Ahora vivo unos días de sustituto,
y lo que me veo responder son a las necesidades
de mi ser.

Si caigo solo, solo me levantaré,
construiré mi propio camíno y alguien, algún día
me alcanzará.

Me sorprenderá y me acompañará,
hasta construir un solo camino.

Tiempos tan contagiosos, un premio que me he
ganado, nunca antes había estado tan aburrído.

Y si no encuentro alguna cura, encontraré algún
asesíno, para matar los recuerdos y comprar
unos recién hechos.

Porque si corro me tropiezo y si gateo me retrazo,
camíno seguro y con el sol alargando mi sombra,
no tengo ninguna prisa.

Tengo el miedo
de encontrar todo lo
que dejé atrás.
Y darme cuenta
que no hay nada mejor
por adelante.

Realizando los cambios
para saber,
si las cosas pueden cambiar
y ver,
que todo esto va a
estar bien.

Pierdo el miedo de
encontrar, un nuevo
rostro en cada esquina.
Y darme cuenta que
no eres la única persona
allá afuera.

Realizando los cambios
para saber,
si las cosas pudieran cambiar
y ver,
que todo esto va a
estar bien.

"TAKE FLIGHT"

And thinking away, I'd never thought
I'd see something like this again.
Sitting, just talking, laughing
and singing, you and me never compromising.
we shared what few do, sharing
a song, lyrics we like to sing to.

And walking away, deciding to go
into the night, we left that place
in search of friends to take flight.
And I never thought I'd ask that question
on your door tonight, kissing you made
the clouds roll away for me to take flight.

And driving away, your smile made
me looking like a fool worth while.
Coming home in the dark, walking
and writing all this time I don't know what
I was waiting.
Dancing and pushing the crowed away,
I just hope I can see you again today.

And dreaming away, nightmares bring
they're fright, tonight I slept sound,
in search of dreams to take flight.
And brushing away the rain that fell
again tonight, I just hope today again
I can take flight.

"ALL THE GOOD INTENTIONS"

I spend my my days sitting,
seeing the days fade away, sending my
dreams as far away as they may.

They spend they're time living
on a higher plane, grounded in fear that something
else might fall.

But they present all these good intentions,
hard for me to take advantage of.

Having friends with all these good intentions,
the worst is having to turn them down.

The reasons I spend down
in the driveway, the place I put my dreams
is still to far away.

They spend they're time
just wishing I was there, for a few more
nights, and to make up for the ones that
were never there.

And they present all these good intentions,
It's hard for me to even mention, that I
might let you down once more.

But they go on with all these good intentions,
thinking of what might be, in our new celebrations.

Dedicated to all those good intentions you guys give,
and those in the future I might have to pass by.
To Justin Parker for his willingness to invite me to his home,
for the guys in the DMB club, for being the best friends one can have.

"THINGS STAY THE SAME"

What to say at a time like this,
It's 1:19 am on a Friday, It can't be worse than it already is.
Staying wanting to get away from it all,
trying to make things change but things stay the same.

Counting the seconds passing by,
thinking only of the reasons why, It could be worse than it already is.
Thinking of running away from it all,
trying to make things change, but things stay the same.

Changing things was never hard,
thinking of all the times I tried to make a difference,
nothing changed things stayed the same.
No use in trying, no point In going back,
I cant make things change, things stay the same.

Dedicated to Mary "from Maryland" Garabedian

Late night, writing about friends that are far away from me, people I feel for, people I miss, some I havent even met. So she got hurt, another heart I see almost in front me fall, my best friend, the culprit of the crime. So I couldn't help, was I supposed to make a difference with they're problems while I haven't made a difference in mine? Still, I do what I do, It takes my mind out of myself and puts me somewhere else where I feel comfortable, helping others, staying away from myself.

Nothing to do now really, but let things roll now, the more I try to make things change north of the border, the more things stay the same down here.

What's the word I'm looking for??? Is there such a thing as the contrary to "Selfishness", I give myself completely to everyone that calls for help, sometimes too fast, sometimes I'm late. It's a comfortable situation really, leave my problems aside and take care of everyone else's, few times I've failed but all those times things managed to fix themselves and that makes me think I still made the difference, life's not worth it if you don't make a difference at least in the people you meet, that lasting impression leaves a mark, I'd hate to die and have my friends forget about me.

I haven't met this girl, but I know she's perfect, a bit more flawless would just be impossible, and I can't find reasons to reject what she's given to him, distance is always the barrier, but not something uncrossable, I've done it, why can't they??? People are different I know, but isn't love universal? Was there love there? It's too far for me to notice, bit and bytes thru monitors just don't show people's feelings, I guess I'm not as good as I used to be.

Boston to Charlotte, about a six hour drive, or so I think I remember; Guadalajara to Cd. Juárez, a sixteen hour drive that I know by heart, and still it felt as comfortable as one night's sleep, a distance that mattered for over a year, things change, for her things stayed the same, she's happy, who knows if I am right now.

If I saw it as perfect as I thought, why would they (he) see it differently? If he was in front of me I'd slap his face just to make him aware of what he just turned down, If I was there, I'd probably fall in love, but then again I'd have to leave soon after, who knows?

Who knows???